True Blood: The Ick Factor

Ok, so we all know True Blood was a show about vampires and on HBO so there was going to be some nudity and nastiness. But, seriously this show has had moments that have gone above and beyond the ‘Ick’, or, as the French would say, ‘Eek.’

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#5 The Obligatory Jason Stackhouse Sex. I’m not above shameless male nudity but seriously, Jason Stackhouse PUT SOME CLOTHES ON AND KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! Ryan has an amazing body, but frankly the Jason porno show went from ‘Oooh la la’ to ‘Please not again.’ The final straw for me was when they put him in Old Grampa Joe Y-Fronts.

#4 Lafayette and the Hip Bone.This was just gross. The ripped off limb, the squelching sound, and what looked like rubbery bloody tubes of muscles and tendons. Put me right off spaghetti bolognese.

#3 Human Vibrators.No, I’m not talking about a girl’s best friend. I’m talking about some freaky messed-up human vibration. Liam’s (the vamp with the bald head and tattoos) flickering tongue –which you think might be a good thing until you actually see it- and Maryann’s quivering sex pose which was extra creepy when coupled with the quasi-underage-rape situation.

#2 Graveyard Sex.I’m expecting backlash for picking this scene, but all the way through all I could think was ‘Ooh, there’s going to be dirt where it’s going to be mighty uncomfortable’ and ‘I really need a shower.’

#1 The Kiss of Blood. Seriously ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK! That was just plain UGH! It was just a whole mouth full of blood – so much blood it overfilled and ran down her neck. ICK ICK ICK.

An honourable mention: Pam’s poor pumps. How could Eric let her ruin her shoes like that?!

A New Fangirl

Hey everybody, we have a new writer here, to cover some shows we don't usually talk much about! (She also has some interesting ship ideas that some of us around here are boggled by.) Click under the cut and check her out!

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Dollhouse: Ballard and Mellie, Boyd and Dr. Saunders, Victor and Sierra

Fringe: Peter and Astrid

Gossip Girl: Chuck and Blair

Grey's Anatomy: Alex and Izzie, Meredith and Derek, Mark and Callie, Christina and Owen, Nurse Olivia with someone - perhaps a new McSexy surgeon.

Heroes: HRG and Angela, Sylar and Elle, Peter and Elle

House: House and Cameron, House and Cuddy

One Tree Hill: Brooke and Lucas, Brooke and Julian, Nathan and Haley

Private Practice: Violet and Cooper, Violet and Pete

Smallville: Clark and Chloe, Tess and Oliver, Lex and Lionel

Bones: Booth and Brennan, Booth and Angela

Chuck: Chuck and Sarah, Chuck and Lisa (the sandwich girl played by Summer, oops Rachel Bilson)

And.... I think that's it. Feel free to boggle at some of these unorthodox ship pairings. What can I say? I love the underdog and am prepared to drown with ships that will never ever ever set sail.

My favourite ship of all time : Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara. Be prepared for some serious gushing.

So I think that's all there is about me. For those that wanted to know.

Bones Starter Kit: Four Seasons of Storyline, One Season of Time

It's summer, and it seems like everyone's in catch-up mode: we're finally get into series that we've so far missed. It's fun, but sometimes it gets a little daunting. Even though we here at Chaos in General are quick to recommend Bones to our fellow fangirls, catching up with this series means almost 100 hour-long episodes--that aren't available on Hulu.

So we've put together a "Starter Kit" of sorts. It's 24 episodes (plus a few assorted scenes) that contain basically everything you need to know about Bones for the fall. So if you're put off by the thought of spending the next two months glued to a computer screen scouring the internet for these episodes (and you're not like me and Mae, who caught up with the first three seasons in a matter of days), fear not. Here's what you need:

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Note: Links to clips are download links--they're totally safe and contain only the designated clip, I promise!

"Pilot"


We are introduced to a man and a woman, henceforth known as "partners." Bet Mulder never backed Scully up against a wall at the firing range.

"The Man on Death Row"

Here, the writers try to introduce a story arc. So rarely do they do this that it should be noted. Brennan kicks some serial killer ass and it is AWESOME.

"The Man in the Fallout Shelter"

It's lockdown, so B&B (and the rest of the squints--boo) are forced to spend Christmas together. Also, good Brennan backstory and we're introduced to the wonder that is Parker Booth.

"The Woman in the Garden"

You really just need the second-to-last scene. It's the first time Booth physically stands up for Brennan, and DAMN he brings it. I mean, whoa. That's hot. (Sorry, I can't find the clip. Anybody have it?) Note: This is the scene Mae used to get Leigh hooked on Bones. It worked.

"Two Bodies in the Lab"


Arguably the shippiest episode from season one, this episode shows B&B's relationship blossoming outside of work, whether it's watching movies at the hospital or (yes) dancing around to Foreigner. This is also their first rescue scene and it is awesome.

"The Soldier on the Grave"

Turns out, Booth's kind of fucked up. Good thing Bones is learning how to be there for him with just the touch of a hand.

"The Woman in Limbo"

Oh, right, and Brennan's not all that together either. Also, her name's not really Brennan WHAT.

"The Titan on the Track"

Goodbye, Goodman (very sad). Hello, Cam (very sad). She will later become an awesome HBIC, but for now, she appears to be supremely In The Way. And also kind of a bitch.

"The Blonde in the Game"

What? More story arc? Here, we return to the story of Howard Epps. Really, probably the most fascinating recurring murderer ever.

"The Girl with the Curl"


Just this scene. Because it shows how, even though Booth dabbled in a little Cam for a time, his heart never stopped belonging to Bones. Oh, and he thinks she's hawt.

"The Woman in the Sand"


Booth and Brennan's first annual undercover op--not to be missed. Highly amusing--and HOT. This episode also kicks off a much-beloved second-string OTP.

"Aliens in a Spaceship"

Important to the canon--this episode introduces The Gravedigger, a serial killer with a truly bizarre MO. (And, no, we still don't know what was in that letter.)

"Judas on a Pole"

In which we return to the ongoing saga of Brennan's family. She and Booth meet a priest who says he can shine some light on Brennan's past...and things get interesting.

"The Man in the Cell"

Epic and awesome, this episode features so many memorable (not to mention suspenseful) moments: Booth's terrible boyfriend behavior, Parker Booth, a visit to Sydney Bristow's carousel, and the creation of what will forever be known as The Line.

"The Killer in the Concrete"

Here, we turn the tables for a change--it's Booth who's in trouble and Brennan's going to have to use unorthodox methods to save him, including finding an unlikely ally in her search for her kidnapped partner.

"Stargazer in a Puddle"

In the second season finale, our second-stringers are getting married, but, as usual, it's Booth and Brennan who get the real moments. In a scene that takes place in a parking lot, Booth proves just how far he'll go to do right by Bones. (And this chivalry won't go unnoticed--by anyone.)

"The Widow's Son in the Windshield"

We pick up a short time later, with the introduction of another serial killer, one who'll prove to be the ultimate undoing of a much-beloved character. Also, Booth and Brennan share a very sweet (if woefully green-screened) moment at the end. With this episode, we begin the rarely-strayed-from format of ending every episode with a requisite Scene of Fluff. I'm not complaining. In fact, when episodes do not contain this scene (*coughDoctorintheDencough*), it feels incomplete.

"Death in the Saddle"



Booth explains the difference between sex and making love. His eyes make it obvious just who he'd like to practice with. This is the scene Mae used on me to get me hooked on Bones. And look, it's on YouTube!

"Mummy in the Maze"


Booth and Brennan's "undercover" episode for season three, this one's set on Halloween and, in addition to being a really creeptastic case, involves Booth and Brennan dressed up as a squint and Wonder Woman, respectively. Not only do the characters find each other almost irresistible, but the actors admitted on separate occasions that they found themselves attracted to each other during the filming for this episode. SOMUCHTENSION.

"The Knight on the Grid"

Another "Widow's Son" case, this one, arguably the best of season three, literally brings everything. You've got an awesomely terrifying case, Brennan Family drama, plenty of romance, Booth at the firing range, and also some really funny moments. (Try not to laugh when Brennan talks about how taking the silver skeleton to Bethesda.) I'll even forgive that this episode fails at bringing the End Scene of Fluffiness.

"The Santa in the Slush"

Caroline was feeling puckish. Enough said. (Oh, the End Scene of Fluffiness is ridiculously perfect--and involves Parker Booth.)

"The Baby in the Bough"


Sometimes Bones hits you over the head with a baseball bat. This is one of those times. Here, Booth and Brennan, in a series of unfortunate and diaper-related events, are forced to spend an entire episode taking care of an infant. The words "But you're the babydaddy" pass through Brennan's lips. Does nothing for the plot at ALL, but this episode is epic in its silliness.

"The Verdict in the Story

As pointed out in the comments, this episode is needed to give some much-needed closure to Brennan's family backstory. Also, epic hugs.

"The Wannabe in the Weeds"

You really just need this end scene, where Booth fulfills one of Brennan's childhood dreams. (And then seriously ruins her day.)

"The Pain in the Heart"

So contrived, so ridiculous, practically unforgivable from start to finish, but this episode does involve a hat that dispenses beer. And our guys solve the Widow's Son case. It's stupid. You can choose to blame the writing or the strike. I just choose to blame Hart Hanson, who I feel was responsible for both.

"The Man in the Outhouse"

Again, one scene (coincidentally, the End Scene of Fluffiness) is enough. After Bones's experiment with dating multiple men ends in disaster, Booth schools Brennan on love again, this time on a promise that there is someone out there that she's meant to spend the rest of her life with. And by "out there," he really means "right here." Just look at that eye contact!

"The Con Man in the Meth Lab"


We've temporarily figured out a lot of things in Brennan's family, but now we've got to deal with Booth's family drama, which, while not quite as unusual, does suck pretty hard. Here, we meet his brother, Jared, who's got some problems and who also has his eyes set on (wait for it) Temperance Brennan. Watch what happens when "Booth-Lite" makes a move on his brother's girl! (Hint: it ends with a six-minute End Scene of Fluffiness.)

"The Hero in the Hold"

While this episode did not live up to expectations (even those developed midway through the episode), it's still pretty epic and important. Gravedigger's back, and this time they've got Booth--and they gave him some meds. He is affected.

"The Cinderella in the Cardboard"

In this End Scene of Fluffiness, Brennan tells Booth that she wants to be able to love the way Booth loves. They drink scotch, sit close, and he promises her that she'll find that one day.

"Mayhem on a Cross"

In this whole thing, I haven't mentioned my Third-Favorite Bones Character (Maybe Second), Dr. Lance Sweets. I pretty much want to go into the Bones canon and marry Sweets. Here, we get some of his backstory and some delicious character development for Booth and Brennan. (Hint: there are tears.) This last scene solidifies the fact that B&B need babies, if solely for the reason that they would never lock her in the trunk of the car.

"Critic in the Cabernet"

Sometimes I pretend this was the season four finale. Brennan discovers she would like to have a baby (for an even dumber reason than "because I wouldn't lock her in the trunk of the car"), and convinces Booth to donate sperm. Of course, things don't go well, especially when Booth starts hallucinating Stewie from Family Guy. It's way more awesome than it sounds.

"The End in the Beginning"


The actual season four finale is just painful for me to watch, as it represents months of dashed hopes, misdirection, and out-and-out-lies. But you should watch it if you want to consider yourself caught up.

So there you have it. These twenty-four episodes and you'll be good to go for September 17. Join us then!

Bones: The Anvils Yet to Fall

Bones loves anvils hard core.

Mistletoe kiss? Check.

Pretending to be married? Double-check.

Taking care of a baby? Pwned.

For those of you unfamiliar with the lingo, an anvil is a device (a quote, a scenario, a love triangle) used exclusively and obviously to advance another plot. Forcing Booth and Brennan to care for a baby was a convenient and heavy-handed way to spend an hour with the partners as Mom and Dad. Booth saying "Everything happens eventually" was a convenient and heavy-handed way to say that Booth and Brennan's hookup is going to happen eventually.

Some anvils are particularly prevalent in primetime television. I mean, really, how often in real life have you had to pretend to be married to one of your colleagues?

Bones likes to partake of as many anvils as possible. They use them often and the anvils land hard. But there are a few of these devices that they've yet to utilize--and we're wondering why.

Could this be the year that Bones crosses the last few off the list?

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#1. The whole just-plain-sleeping together deal. One bed, two sides, but by morning they're allllll snuggly. We assume something similar happened in "Double Trouble in the Panhandle" (Cam even noted the single-bed situation in Buck and Wanda's trailer), but we've never actually seen this situation happen. And it seems like something that could actually make its way from the annals of fan fiction to the screen. Plus it'd be freaking adorable. You just know that Booth would be so good at spoony hands.

#2. Undercover in the suburbs. Duh. EVERYONE does this. Mulder and Scully, Sydney and Vaughn, Chuck and Sarah. If you're a government agent, it's what you do. It's a television rite of passage. I'm majorly crossing my fingers that Booth and Bones's yearly undercover op is to investigate a murder in the seedy underbelly of suburban America. Watch Bones pwn the obligatory barbeque/dinner party/cocktail party watch Booth like it a little too much. Then watch me die of squee.

#3. Real, legit formal dancing. COME ON. They've gotten close a couple of times before, including in "Hero in the Hold," where Booth and Brennan were due to a formal event where there would have inevitably been dancing. But yeah, they're really due for dressed-up dancing, complete with hands-holding, back-touching, twirling, whispers, and a decidedly heavy moment as they pull away. Would it be too much to ask for Booth and Brennan to have to go to a prom? High school murder?

#4. A solid locked-up-together situation. This is a weird one to ask for, because technically we have seen this a couple of times on Bones. There's the quarantine in "The Man in the Fallout Shelter" and there's the resonance chamber in "The Science in the Physicist," but never has this anvil been used for its primary purpose: to force feelings out in the open. Locking couples in small places, in elevators, or on rooftops can often force our folks to talk about things they've been thinking about for a long time. Bones should take an opportunity to do this properly.