Gossip Girl: Little J, Bigger Bitch

My, my, Little Jenny Humphrey. What a social-climbing monster you’ve grown into.

How tremendously bitchy was Jenny last night? To Rufus, to Eric, and especially to Dan, he of the L.L. Bean pants and Dartmouth dreams. At least there was some comeuppance for Little J – her gay boyfriend was just using her, all her friends know she’s a liar (again), and she ended the night defeated and sobbing over a Scrabble board.

As for her boyfriend… what a douche he turned out to be. Not only is he self-loathing and closeted, but he flat-out told Jenny that there’s no way her Brooklyn ass could ever score a guy like him. I assume this storyline was truncated by the strike and smushed into only two episodes, because there would have been greater impact if we’d had time to care about Asher and Jenny. They needed at least one more episode in there of Asher being lauded by Jenny’s friends, but being secretive on the side. Otherwise, why should we care about Jenny getting dumped by some guy she’s only been dating since the last episode?

But, hey, Asher? If you’re trying to keep your sexuality on the down-low, you might want to stop kissing other boys on the streets of Manhattan, in front of high schools full of your friends.

That’s really all I have to say about “the gay bomb.” It had to be Eric and it was sweet to see that Blair (and Chuck!) really cares about him.

What I love about GG is that it zigs when I expect it to zag. I assumed Georgina would keep her “Sarah” identity a secret from Serena while she kept on pulling Dan’s strings. (This is another story that could’ve been spread out better, if there had been more episodes to play with.) Instead, G flaunted her little game in Serena’s face and dared her to play along.

And so, for the second time in less than a week, I’m watching one of my OTPs crumble under the weight of some really dumb secrets and lies. We all saw what happened when Future!Kate started – innocently – sneaking around on Future!Jack. Now we have Serena acting positively schizophrenic to avoid telling Dan that Georgina is her old frenemy.

Depending on what gets revealed next week (did Serena really kill someone?!?), Serena’s lying might be more justified than Kate’s. I get S not wanting to piss off Georgina and risk having her past deeds exposed, but I think if she would just bust out part of the truth and out Georgina, Dan would help her pull off some O.C.-style scheme to shut the little backstabber down.

Not that any of that matters anymore, since the previews show next week to be an absolute Dan/Serena catastrophe. When your boyfriend doesn’t trust you because you won’t actually tell him anything… get plastered and cheat on him. Yeah. Great.

Remember when Vanessa was the big threat to Dan and Serena’s relationship?

I’m totally psyched to get the details on this sex tape/murder scenario next week. Damn, that Shephard wedding was just a sinkhole of teenage debauchery. First Nate and Serena’s drunken bar sex, now whatever this turns out to be.

Scandalous!