Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Lost: Babies Miss Their Moms. It's Really Not That Complicated.

When Lost went to black last month, I had one thought: Wow.

Blown away by the flash-forward reveal, I remain at a loss to predict what’s next for the Lostaways. Are they going to get rescued for real right now? Or is the rescue still a way’s away, the approaching boat just another near-miss?

What happens that turns Jack into a pill-popping suicidal sad-sack?

Is Christian Shephard alive? How? Did the same people that faked the Oceanic 815 wreckage also fake his death? Why?

Will Desmond meet up with the rest of the team in time to warn them about the boat?

Why won’t Patchy die? Does it have anything to do with why Richard Alpert hasn’t aged in decades?

When are they going to realize it’s two days until Christmas?

Who is waiting for Kate at home?

That last one, I’m pretty sure I can answer.

Jabrams and the gang want you to think it’s Sawyer, which means, basically, it’s not. I have a prediction that’s maybe even a little too idealistic and fluffy for my taste, but here goes.

It’s the Jaby.

Jack’s cell phone supposedly dates the episode to current time, making it about three years post-island, if they indeed are being rescued right now. Let’s say Jack and Kate have a heart-to-heart on the rescue boat, knowing full well that they’re probably sailing toward Kate’s arraignment. They kiss, and he promises to help her get through the whole ordeal.

Of course, she gets acquitted, because, seriously, any jury member could discern that Others Jail is way worse than any kind of punishment the American Correctional System could think up. Juliet gets hit by a train, Jack and Claire find out they’re related, and Jack and Kate begin their relationship.

Not long after, she gets pregnant and they decide to keep it. Their son is born, life is great for a while, Jack is the super-cute dad we all know he will be. Until he starts becoming obsessed with island nonsense. Maybe there’s some event that trips him up—perhaps the death of a fellow Lostie, perhaps not—but he starts acting all weird. Kate tries to help him, tries to get him to stop working so much, but to no avail. Eventually he gets so weird that Kate decides she has to do what’s best for their son and move out. It’s torture for her to move away from the man she loves, the father of her child, but nonetheless, it pretty much has to be done when he starts collecting maps and dressing like the Unabomber.

Now, it’s two months later, their son is about two, and Jack calls Kate and asks her to meet him at the airport. The baby is going through some serious separation anxiety, which is hard for Kate, because she doesn’t have anybody to lean on.

Yep, she’s clearly talking about the Jaby there.

There are some problems with this theory. First of all, it’s way too easy. Finding out that Jack and Kate survive the island was a big gift already from Team Jabrams; it would have been unthinkable for them to give up the end of the triangle so easily. Also, it clearly doesn’t account for the overriding policy we have here at Chaos in General regarding children. The firstborn Jaby has to be a girl, people, so unless little Can’t-Stand-to-Be-Alone Shephard is the younger half of a fraternal twin set, I think we’re at a bit of an impasse here.

I have the patience of an adult, and I’m more than willing to wait for Jabrams, Carlton, and Damon to unfold the story to me. And while I am no longer standing on the edge of the quitting-Lost precipice, our relationship remains as tenuous as Jate’s. They’ve got some explaining to do over there, and I’m excited to hear it.

Too bad we have to wait until 2008.

2 Responses to “Lost: Babies Miss Their Moms. It's Really Not That Complicated.”

Anonymous said...

Woah, fanfic eat your heart out. J.J. and Damon totally have ff.net accounts. :)

Unknown said...

Haha thanks, anonymous. I prefer to just throw my thoughts out there rather than try to cover it with those pesky things like dialogue and plot description.

Keep reading!