The Office: Last Dunder-Mifflinite Standing?

In happier news, I love Jim Halpert.

Seriously, though, girls, is Jim not the perfect guy? He’s funny, he has a pretty smile, hair that’s not too long but still oh-so-touchable... He’s sweet and romantic and cries only when emotion is called for... Jack Shepard, I’m looking at you right now... Jim is also just generally a good guy.

Jim, though, has one fatal flaw: he is a man. And, therefore, an idiot.

It’s no surprise he’s gotten himself into a little pickle. The Pam-or-Karen pickle. The only reason Rashida Jones’s kinda-blah character was introduced was so that Jim could find himself in the Pam-or-Karen pickle.

And now, he’s gone and pissed off Roy, the only character on this show who I think could actually do some physical damage. Well, him and Dwight. But only if Dwight brought his spud gun and his cousin Mose.

The Office went on Spring Hiatus as of the last episode, leaving the airwaves for several weeks while cast members are off shooting movies with George Clooney and John C. Reilly and The Rock. I will miss it terribly, of course, not only because I need my weekly John Krasinski fix, but also because it went out with a bang.

Or the threat of a bang, if you will.

Usually, The Office’s last scene, shoved between commercials and credits, is a funny one-off that means very little to the plot. In the last episode, titled “Cocktails” (and directed by my Hunny Bunny Jeffrey Jacob Abrams), the last moment (a “stinger”) was far from meaningless. In it, a disgruntled Roy and his brother lamented the loss of their beloved jet ski money, spent in order to pay for the damage caused by their little rampage. Said rampage came when Pam admitted to Roy that she had kissed Jim at Casino Night.

In this “stinger,” Roy mumbled to his brother that, “I’m gonna kill Jim Halpert.”

It. Was. Shocking.

My desperate desire to make predictions falters in the face of such surprise. The part of me that wants to be Sydney Bristow is just itching for a Jim-Roy fight. A poster at Television Without Pity has an excellent theory that Roy would start a fight, and that Jim would be overwhelmed by Roy’s obvious physical advantage. Jim also, I think, feels bad and a little guilty about the fact that he kissed a very-taken girl. He’ll take the beating until Roy says something insulting about Pam. We all know Jim would defend Pam’s honor in such a situation, and so he’d just start wailing on Roy, overcoming his shortcomings with his deep and abiding love for Pam.

Pam breaks up the fight and pushes Roy aside to lovingly apply a Band-Aid to Jim’s forehead.

Karen realizes she will never measure up, Pam sees Jim as the Knight in Shining Armor that he is, and Roy is arrested for assault and battery and carted off to jail.

This prediction—and my longing to see it come to fruition—is probably the product of a fangirl who wants nothing more than for Pam and Jim to live happily ever after in a Roy-and-Karen-free world.

It’s not a likely outcome. This is The Office, after all, not Desperate Housewives. Roy’s not going to, like, run Jim down with his car and then bury him in the woods.

That said, I think there will be a confrontation. Perhaps in the parking lot after work, perhaps in the office while one of Michael’s morale-boosting events goes on in the background. I think Jim will say something to Roy in his defense that will make it obvious that Jam lives on. Whether this is a comment to defend Pam’s honor or an accusation of Roy’s neglect and disregard for Pam’s artistic ability remains to be seen. I would really like to see Jim stick up for Pam, even if this doesn’t mean bitch-slapping Roy.

(I am on a plane with my iPod on shuffle and, I kid you not, “You Were Meant For Me” just came on. I hate Ram.)

First, it would royally piss off Karen. I think we’re about to see Karen take a turn for the bitchy, a move that has been foreshadowed by a deleted scene that showed her contemplating ripping down flyers for Pam’s art show. It was about this time in Alias’s third season when it was revealed that Lauren was actually Covenant. (Rashida Jones’s mom, Peggy Lipton, ironically played Lauren Reed’s mom Olivia—also Covenant. You know how I feel about Alias connections. Thank you, Jabrams, for ruining me as a TV watcher.)

A Jim-being-noble moment could also give rise to the strange Talking Head that’s being chatted up around Television Without Pity, in which Pam says: "I wish someone had flashed me while I was with Roy. That would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim. He sure wouldn't have wanted me to see Jim's... Whew, I'm saying a lot of things."

It’s also a nice way to get Roy out of the way. There’s really no point for him to stick around, except for awkward moments in the future. I’d like to see him run into a pregnant Pam Halpert in, like, season five. (Remember what I said about delusional fangirls? Yeah, I’m definitely one of them.)

Yeah, I’m pretty much coming up empty-handed when it comes to predictions for the rest of the Office season. I can’t wait to see how the whole thing plays out, and while the crazy person in me hopes that it is revealed that Pam and Jim are actually Sydney and Vaughn in deep cover, blowing Karen’s secret alias as a Covenant operative along with Sloane and Quentin Tarantino, I know that’s unrealistic.

Although it would be worth it for the look on Dwight’s face.