Tuesday, February 6, 2007

HOUSE: Home Is Where The Snark Is

If there is one thing that I love nearly unconditionally, it's most definitely the charming personality quirk of pure, unadulterated sarcasm. Mind you, I only say "nearly unconditionally" because I'm you're classic pretentious pussy - I can dish it, but I generally can't take it. Sarcasm and snark meant directly for me alone in order to condescend or degrade me & my opinions? Well, that's quite possibly the quickest way to A) shut me up, B) stun me speechless and C) completely and unbelievably piss me the holy hell off. My comebacks are much better worded and snappier when done in the form of writing though, so living out a great deal of my life in blogs, emails and IMs has really served me well. I remain the ruler of all things pretentious. And arrogant.

Not too shocking. I am a New Yorker, after all.

But anyway, this love of sarcasm and snark - a love that makes me feel all puppies and rainbows inside when I hear something quick and witty - is exactly what began and has sustained my long-going affair with one Dr. Gregory House. Not a week goes by that he doesn't have me guffawing out loud and wishing I could be his best friend; that way we could be mopey, whiney, lazyass, people-intolerant snark machines together! He would have surely gotten his parking space back a lot sooner if I had been there to toss in some one-liners by his side. Well, okay, that's not true. I'm nowhere near as brilliant as he... and I also don't have a cool, secret British accent, either. Hugh Laurie wins at life. He really does.

I could sit here and spout all the House-isms I've archived for myself over the past couple of years, but if you're reading this than I'm going to assume you're a faithful watcher and likely have heard them all before. Many, many times. So instead, I'm going to focus on something else: House is pretty much the only fandom I'm a part of that I don't have a 'ship for.

Does anyone find that weird?

I'm a fangirl - that fact should be glaringly obvious. But the thing is, there are many different kinds of fangirls. I'm not the type of fangirl that watches a show and goes "OMG THAT WAS SO INTERESTING!" and continues to tune in week after week. I'm the type of fangirl that if you can't offer me a romance to 'ship within the first 30 or so minutes of my watching... there's a really solid chance that you'll never see me at that same Bat time, same Bat channel ever again.

The thing is, I know plenty of people who watch and love House and also 'ship particular pairings. House/Cameron, House/Cuddy, Chase/Cameron, Wilson/Cuddy, WHATEVER. I've tried to love them all. They do nothing for me. The only thing that ever sparked an ounce of fangirl squee-age out of me was when Stacey came back, and the writers made sure to kick me in the crotch and spit on my neck with fantasticness when it came to that one. Thanks a lot, ASS. So, basically, I'm left with only one truly enjoyable 'ship - as the case may be - for this show that has altered the way in which I fall into fandoms. It seems to me that the only way to go is House/Wilson. And no, I don't do slash - perv you very much. But the banter and the rapport that those two have with one another makes every episode worth watching. I have so much love for little... HEY, CAROLINE! Wilson could totally be one of your TV Sissies That One Day Must Save The Day. Mm-hmm.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Wilson is just such a pussy, and yet I love that he never abandons House because you can just tell how much that friendship means to him. And have you noticed that Wilson ain't so bad with the snark either lately? Cuddy is catching up, too. And who doesn't love a good... Oh hell, the whole cast is following through with brilliant one-liners these days. It's like a pretty little world of pretty people in white lab coats who are super smart and yet are filled with bitterness and sarcasm...

I want to be there with them. ET phone home.

My point, however - and yes I do actually have one - is that tonight's episode awakened that 'shipper in me again. I don't really know who Dr. Whitner is or how long she'll be around; I don't even know if she'll be returning next week. I'm not going to pretend like I read spoilers for this show. I very much don't, and I'm very much clueless. But on the random possibility that she is going to become a recurring or permanant figure at Princeton Plainsborough, I'd like to put forth my speculation (i.e. prophecy) that she and Dr. Greg the Bunny will be getting their hook-up on at some point in the future.

If they don't, then I really don't know what her purpose is or what the hell all that exploding chemistry on my television was about tonight. If they don't even bring her back at all, then they're stupid for wasting an actress with such a freakish ability to make me sit up and go "Oh, they're totally gonna do it one day." after so many years of not thinking twice about House's love life.

I'm out of Diet Coke. I have to go either find more, or curl into the fetal position on my bed and try to survive the cold-turkey detox. Either way, that's reason enough to consider this blog session over.

No response to “HOUSE: Home Is Where The Snark Is”