Tuesday, February 6, 2007

HEROES: I think I broke my brain.

I'm going to be honest with everyone: My wit and usually dependable humor aren't up to par lately. There's no way that any of you could know this, given that the only blogs I've written for this site so far have been in the past 2 days - both of which have been days that have sucked me dry of all my MoJo. I've been working close to 12-hour days and still coming home to attempt a social life, not miss any of my shows, and then blog before I lose any of the thoughts I had about the shows I just watched. My brain is tired. It just wants to sleep. It's relatively miraculous that I've been formulating coherent and even semi-interesting thoughts at all so far, so hopefully one can overlook the fact that the snark and wit I self-proclaim are not exactly... present... right now.

It will be back though. I just have to figure out how to get more than six hours of sleep; because despite what the normal population may find to be sufficient, I personally do not function without at least nine or ten. Eleven or twelve is ideal. Anything less than that and I'll be needing a whole effing lot of Diet Coke and that "Awake" black tea they serve at Starbucks. That's a miracle drink, right there.

ANYWAY. I wish that Caroline and I had gotten this blog up and running months ago - even weeks ago - because so many of the things I've been predicting for my shows (especially Heroes) have been coming true. But I didn't blog them out to the world, so none of you have any reason to believe that I actually predicted them. The latest of which being that I win at life because I knew Nathan was going to be revealed as Claire's biological father. I kneeeeeew. But it's already been revealed, so my saying I predicted it more than a week ago really holds no water. I can still do my happy, "I win at life and I was right again, as usual" dance though - because at least I know it's true.

Speaking of Claire, did you guys know that Hayden has a single out? I saw her music video on the Disney Channel (which I was totally not watching for Boy Meets World re-runs), and I was like... the huh? Hayden is adorable. I loved her on Ally McBeal. I loved her in Raising Helen. I loved her in Remember The Titans. I loved her in many things that happened long before most of you would remember: little Lizzie Spaulding on Guiding Light, anyone? Yeah. See, I know way too much about TV. I scare myself sometimes. The point is, I've loved her since she was a wee little toddler starlet-in-the-making and yet I still can't wrap my mind around why she needed to follow in the footsteps of Lindsay and Hilary and whoeverthehellelse by being all "I'm a teen actress and I shall now start a music career!" Ugh. Nonetheless, what I heard of her song wasn't bad at all. It's just the principle.

I've completely digressed from any topic even seemingly involving the show, which really isn't a shocker to me but I apologize nonetheless. What were we talking about?

Predictions and Heroes. Right. Well, here's the thing... not since the beginning of Lost has a show made my brain hurt so effing much. Not even Alias was this painful. Alias was actually pretty damn predictable at times for such a confounding show. But Heroes? I don't have a clue, aside from the random puzzle pieces I can fit together before they show up in an episode. The big picture though... I'm at a loss.

But, whoa. How about that promo, eh? I need to go play with the TiVo and re-watch it all again because I'm not sure if my eyes were taking revenge on me for all the alcohol I consumed last weekend (which also probably has a lot to do with my sudden loss of quick-wit. I killed a lot of poor, innocent and incredibly funny brain cells recently.), but was that Agent Sean that got thrown/kicked/mind-hurled out of the window or whatever? (READ: For anyone not up on their Alias and/or TWoP references, "Agent Sean" is the nickname given to Greg Grunberg's character, Agent Eric Weiss, on Alias by the ever-hilarious Erin Dailey, because he used to be on Felicity as a guy named Sean. And now he's on Heroes as ESP Police Officer Matt Parkman... but I'm probably just going to keep calling him "Weiss" or "Agent Sean" because it's too hard/long to add on to his running-joke nickname. ESP Agent Sean is even too much extra work for my lazy ass.). If it was indeed him, then I will be very sad. But then again, I'm sure he'll survive or regenerate or whatever. Because this is Heroes and nothing has to be realistic or make sense AT ALL.

Annnnnnd, can I just say that I don't really understand what the power of Jessica is all about? What exactly is the purpose of it? I haven't seen any true acts of heroism come from Jessica's presence in Niki's life. Sure, she protects Niki from things like bad, bad touches in the dark or neatly-wrapped gifts of hard hitting right hooks from daddy; she mutilates evil mobsters that threaten to kill innocent little Niki; she even has sex with ever-so-yummy Nathan so that Niki won't feel like a whore - all worthy efforts, I suppose, though I don't know why anyone would pass up a night with Nathan - but how exactly is Jessica going to help save the world? I'm not really understanding that specific heroic power right now...

Also? Claire's mom (her dog-obsessed mom, not her human-cigarette-lighter mom) is incredibly stupid. I feel bad for her that she had to get her mind erased AGAIN - and like Will Smith pondered in Men In Black, how many times can you do that to a person before it actually, like, fucks them up permanently? - but c'mon. You walk into your house and a creepy dude is standing in your kitchen holding your prize-winning yappy dog and you're just going to believe his story that he works for your deviant husband with the bad glasses (which are always a sign of evil. Alias proved it with Sloane and more importantly with Suit & Glasses, the evil dentist.) and then proceed to invite this creepy home-intruder to stay for dinner? I would have been out the door so fast you'd have thought someone told me Vartan was down the street offering raunchy sex to whoever could give him the latest stats on the NHL. Forget making awkward small talk to find out who this man is and why he's in my house cuddling my anthropomorphized puppy - I'm calling the cops faster than you can say, "Mr. Muggles is a rat-dog." I'm sorry Mrs. Bennett, but that was pretty much asking for it. Idiot.

Whatever. Anyway, since my latest prediction that was worth mentioning got shafted because it came true before I got a chance to state it, I currently have nothing at my fingertips. Except that I'm pretty damn sure Zach and Claire will end up being a rather important OTP at some point in this show's future, even if it is several seasons from now.

But if you hadn't already figured that one out for yourselves, then I'm not sure what you're doing watching television in the first place.

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