Thursday, February 22, 2007

THE O.C.: Always... play with their minds.

So, I get that I'm more than "a little late" with this considering that the series finale will come upon my TV in less than six hours, but I have to say a few things before I actually see it and figure out what the effing hell is going on.

If you saw the promo for the finale, then I would hope you caught all of the reasons for why nothing makes sense. Even TV Guide's Ausiello is at a loss for explantion, because it seems like Josh Schwartz just gave away every secret in the promo.

Ausiello: What if I told you Julie was the one getting hitched? Oh, wait, Fox already gave that away in the promos. What if I told you Kirsten delivers a healthy baby girl? Oh, wait, Fox already gave that away in the promos. What if I told you that Seth and Summer go their separate ways? Oh, wait, Fox already gave that away in the promos. What if I told you that Ryan and Taylor have sex? Oh, wait, Fox already gave that away in the promos. I got nothing.

If you ask me, something really squicky is going on. More attention paid to the promo shows that not only is Julie getting married (which I totally called), but she's marrying The Bullit? I'm sorry... what? Don't get me wrong - I love Bullit and would love for him to be the one she marries. But that wouldn't make any sense anymore. They just had a huge set-up last week for Julie and Frank to be the marrying couple. Kaitlin even gave her approval for them to be together. So I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on.

Then, there was a sneak peek clip on that made it clear that Taylor is back in France and she and Ryan have been broken up for months. My brain is begging for someone to stop fucking with it, because that's not right at all. The other thing that's not right is Summer leaving Seth behind and both of them ending the series on seperate paths.

None of this is how it's actually going to end. Because that would be breaking all of the rules of a series finale that I talked about in my last O.C. blog. I really don't think that Josh is the type to break those rules. However, I do completely believe that he's the type to fuck with our minds and get us all freaked out that everything is going Twilight Zone in Orange County and then he'll suddenly be all, "GOTCHA!" and fix everything so that it ends the way I already said that it should.

That said, shall we jump into how I think he's playing with our minds? Okay, good. Let's begin.

Summer will get on the bus and leave on her tour with GEORGE. Taylor will go back to France, although I have no idea why or what causes her and Ryan to break up. Julie is either actually in the process of marrying Bullit, or that's all some weird effed-up dream sequence. I'm not going to lie and say that I have that shit figured out yet, because I don't. Nevertheless, there's a time jump going on like I said there would be in my last blog. So, Taylor and Summer leaving is likely to happen at the very start of the finale. They'll be back in time to set things right with their respective loverboys.

I'm not saying all of this has to happen just because it breaks the series finale rules if it doesn't. I'm saying this all will turn around and happen at the end because - like Ausiello said over and over - Fox gave it all away in the promo!

If there's one thing I've learned over my years of TV obsession, it's never to trust the promo guy. The promo guy fucks with your psyche and tries to make you believe things are going to happen that really aren't going to happen. The promo guy had me spastic for 24 hours a few years ago because he actually managed to make me momentarily believe that Vaughn might cheat on Sydney. Even though I totally knew better.

And now the promo guy is playing with Grey's fans about tonight's episode calling it "the tragic/devastating end" to the 3-episode arc. I do not buy into his bullshit because I know better, but there are thousands of people freaking out because promo guy keeps telling them it's going to be "tragic/devastating." Mulder always said to trust no one. I'm not sure that level of distrust is necessary, but I do believe in never trusting the promo guy.

These O.C. finale promos (and sneak peek clips) are giving away way too damn much information for that information to actually be pertinent to the very end of the series. Those secrets that are being given away in the promo are nothing more than set up scenes to lay the groundwork for the rest of the finale. If they were actually crazy important scenes that held great weight toward how the series was going to end, Josh would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS allow them to be shown in a promo like that. It's just bad for business to be that stupid.

So instead, he's putting all of this seemingly life-altering information into the promos and sneak peeks and allowing it to seep into our brains until it gets us all confused and wondering what the hell dear Schwartz-y is up to these days. It's all a game, you see. He's setting the stage to suddenly twist it all around and give us what we've really been wanting and expecting. First he has to build up the anticipation, though, by creating panic attacks that everything is about to end horribly wrong.

Believe me, there's no need to worry. Seth and Summer will still have their built-in OTP finale ending. Ryan and Taylor will reconcile and run off to Berkeley together. The Cohens will still move out of Newport and back to San Fransisco (where Berkeley is, in case you didn't know it's the same thing). And Julie will, in the end, have her happily ever after with Frank.

Josh just has to play with our minds first. Just like how Mark in Empire Records, one of my all-time favorite movies, decides to name his band "Marc." With a C. Even though his name is with a K. Because, ya know, it's like a psychedelic trip thing.


BROTHERS & SISTERS: Who that is? My baby daddy!

I still can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is that I love about this show. All I know is that I love it and it keeps me entertained from week to week. As I've said before, the chance to watch several of my old TV friends together in one ensemble hasn't hurt my love for it one bit... but I don't think that's the only reason I keep watching.

To me, this show is a dose of reality (actual reality, not fake reality) amidst a sea of reality shows and so many other scripted dramas that often have me saying, "That would never happen."

But the stories of the Walker family are stories that could - and surely do somewhere in this country - actually happen. In the episode when they had a flashback to September 11th and Justin's decision to join the military, it was like reliving that day all over again. The fear that washed over the whole family as they wondered about Kitty's safety in New York - that was a palpable fear and the emotions put into it by the actors were nothing short of ovational.

That whole episode just sucked me in and took me back to another place and time. It transported me directly into their world and it was the first time in a long time that I had felt like I truly lost myself in a storyline. This show is about a family of individuals with real, human problems that could fall upon any one of us viewers at any time. I mean, okay, I highly doubt many of us will ever have our own political talk show and eventually be woo-ed away by a charmingly handsome Junior Senator with quick wit and an insatiable urge to kiss you all of the time... but you get my drift.

Justin is the character that really gets to me the most, I think, and I'd have to say it's because he's struggling through early adulthood just like so many of us are. Just like I am. His battle to figure out who he is and what he wants out of life and what the hell his purpose is in this world - all valid questions to try and find the answers to at his (my) age. When he told Tommy that he needed (not wanted) to donate his sperm to help Tommy and Julia finally conceive a child, I fell in love with him even more because you could just empathize so deeply with his rationalization for why he owed the world a life.

On the same subject, I loved so much that Justin and Kevin got into a battle over who would be the sperm donor for Tommy. And also that Tommy was able to live up to the title of "big brother" and actually consider letting Justin help, despite how much Tommy had been hating on him at the time. When it was revealed that both brothers donated sperm and Tommy found a way to make sure that not even he and Julia would ever be able to figure out who the baby's father was, I died laughing at the sheer brilliance of it all. Because I know plenty of people would have come up with the same solution in that situation, no matter how ridiculous it may sound.

And now? Julia is pregnant with twins. You know what that means, right? I hope you know what that means, because it was jumping up and down with a giant "PLOT BUNNY" sign the entire time anyone talked about them having twins. Just so we're all clear though, what it means is that one of the babies is Justin's and the other twin is fathered by Kevin. Not like they'll figure that out anytime soon - unless one of the babies needs a blood transfusion or something not long after birth - but nevertheless it's a newly-planted plot bunny that will sit there looming on the backburner until the time is right to make a story out of the fact that the twins have two different daddies.

So someone is the daddy of a boy, and someone is the daddy of a baby girl. I'm leaning both ways on who fathered what, and I'm not sure of anything yet so I'm not going to put anything to writing. I do think it would be cute to see Kevin playing daddy-uncle to a little ringlet-haired girl while Justin bonded with his nephew-son over army games and sword fights. Then again, Justin has always been really great with Paige so I could see him with a niece-daughter, too. Once the tots are born, it'll be easier to pick up on the storyline anvils of who the baby daddies are.

Little by little they will fall upon our heads and make it screamingly obvious who's sperm created what. That's why I love anvils so much. If you were more aware of all of the anvils that crush you beneath them on a weekly basis, you'd probably be just as good at predicting and analyzing this shit as Caroline and I are.

But until then, beware of falling objects.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Grey's Anatomy: The Interns and I Explore Our Areas of Expertise (Ooh! Dirty!)

At some point, we’re going to need to diversify our blogs, but for now, I’ll continue to discuss the topic on my mind: Grey’s Anatomy.

This season finale I anticipate, in addition to Addison’s departure, decisions on specialties for our favorite interns. In real-world time, it’s been two-and-a-half years since we were introduced to Meredith and her anatomy, but in Grey’s time, less than a year has passed. (I have recently stopped trying to grasp the concept of the Grey’s timeline, as that pursuit has proven to be pretty much futile this season.)

Let’s start with the easiest: Alex Karev will choose obstetric surgery. This is being pretty much shoved down our throats, so if you haven’t come to the same conclusion, you probably haven’t been following the Addisex storyline since, I don’t know, October, maybe.

I like this choice; I think it will provide a lot of good story for Alex. Plus, Shonda had better figure out a way to keep the babies on the show after Addison leaves. This seems as good a way as any.

George, I think, will follow Bailey into General Surgery. Those two have the greatest dynamic, and it will be interesting to see George gain on her as they move into more equal footing in the years to come.

I had pretty much pegged Izzie as Cardio (because of Denny), but after her little exercise in skull-drilling, I wouldn’t be surprised if she went Neuro instead. This would be a good move for her, and it would be a nice gesture for the lingerie model to turn into a bonafide brain surgeon.

Cristina seems like she’s heading toward Cardio, but I really hate this choice for her, for the same reason that I would despise Meredith choosing Neuro. I don’t want to see Burktina doing side-by-side surgeries anymore. It has become pretty clear to me that Cristina does get favorable treatment from Burke, and I’d rather see her in a field where she might be a little out of her league at times. Remember when she spent the day with Chief Webber performing microscopic procedures in the classroom? I’d rather see Dr. Yang follow this path to Microsurgery, where she would be taking on complex surgeries that nobody else could even attempt. Cristina has more to learn, and she shouldn’t be learning from Burke anymore.

And as for Meredith? I told Mae a few weeks ago (when I was originally compiling this list) that I thought the show needed a pediatric surgeon. They haven’t had one yet, and kids are always good to have around whenever you need an OTP to realize they’re ready to have a baby, to realize they’re not ready to have a baby, or that, oh shit, Patrick Dempsey just looks really cute when he’s talking baby talk.

This may seem out of left field, but Meredith has actually dealt with several children over the course of the season, perhaps most notably in the first season when she enlisted Dr. Burke after seeing a baby turning blue. (Her very first patient ever was a teenage girl.)

I mentioned to Mae that in order for Meredith’s choice to make sense, however, that there would need to be a little kid who changed her philosophy on medicine and ultimately led to a decision that would affect the rest of her career.

Enter Little Blonde Non-Speaking Girl, who essentially saved Meredith’s life with her little finger point. Meredith was really sweet to her pre-submersion, and even though she probably needs more cute little kids to push her in the direction of pedes, I really hope Meredith chooses that specialty.

No matter how it turns out, I’m excited to see the interns move away from each other in the hospital and move into their own spheres. It will open the door for new patient opportunities and more chances to see the newly-minted residents develop as doctors and as the people we know and love.

Grey's Anatomy: Don't You Remember Joey?

Today, the Wall Street Journal reported that ABC execs are pursuing a spinoff of Grey's Anatomy starring Kate Walsh as Addison Montgomery.  Though the story remained unconfirmed throughout the day, ABC has now released information confirming the move.
The motives behind such action is understandable: money.  If you can strike gold again, you've got yourself millions of advertising dollars without having to go through the pilot/development process.  Spinoffs are attractive, and, let's face it, anyone who watches Grey's will be tuning it for *at least* the first episode.
That said, I still don't understand why ABC, Shonda Rhimes, and Kate Walsh would go for this.  Grey's Anatomy is an ensemble show (that consistently wins awards because of the cast's chemistry), and, like Chicago Tribune columnist Maureen Ryan pointed out, it would be a shot in the dark to attempt to recreate such magic.
Call me a cynic, but I think it's pretty much impossible.
So I suppose we should be expecting Addison to start tying her loose ends in Seattle, a prospect that makes me terribly unhappy, seeing as I love her to pieces and hate to see her go.  Walsh and Addison add so much to the show--humanity, wit, balls, and, the clincher, babies.
How will Addison make her exit? I assume she'll be moving back to New York, finally allowing Derek to have "Seattle and to never see [her] again." (Although by the looks of the spoiler clips, looks like McDreamy might not be so Addison-averse after she helps him cope with Meredith's trauma.) What troubles me is--won't McSteamy follow her? With Addison gone, there's no reason for him to stay, since the only reason he showed up in Seattle was to bring her home, anyway. Mission accomplished, no?

Well, as soon as you start forming the Seattle team and the New York team, you're splintering your ensemble and, even though there might be enough of them to go around, making the cast less strong.

Why would you want to do that three weeks after winning the Screen Actors Guild Award for Best Drama Ensemble? Why would you want to mess with a formula that clearly works?

Why, Shonda, why?

Plus, when's the last spinoff you can remember that actually worked? All I'm coming up with is Frasier. I'm not counting Party of Five spinoff Time of Your Life, as much as I loved it. (Try and play Six Degrees of JJ Abrams with that one, in two directions.)

I suppose if the spinoff tanks, Kate Walsh can come back to Grey's with her tail between her legs and they can pretend like she had a little panic attack, freaked out and moved, and has now returned to her rightful place in Seattle.

I'm really going to miss Addison around Seattle Grace. I *hated* her when she first showed up, but she's now one of my favorite characters. (And she definitely has the best clothes.) Hopefully the transition will be seamless; one can only hope that it will be as genius as Grey's is. I will be waiting with bated breath for its May premiere, and for future crossovers to follow.

I'm not giving up on Addison!Babysave 2008 by a long shot.

And, for the record, Time of Your Life - Jennifer Garner - Alias - JJ - Lost - Matthew Fox - Party of Five - Time of Your Life.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

GREY'S ANATOMY: Lost In His McDreamy Eyes

First thing's first, I need to laugh very quickly about how things went down on the last episode. What I find so hilarious is that, as usual, Caroline and I predicted it all nearly prophetically but were outwitted simply because we never actually believed that the simplest possibility would be the biggest issue. I don't know how many times we said to one another in casual Grey's conversations that "the water is too damn cold, and if they don't pull her out immediately she's going to freeze to death." But we never focused on the temperature of the water as a major enemy, because we just thought that was going to be the least of Meredith's problems. It seemed too easy for it to be that cut and dry. Apparently we fangirls over-analyze things from time to time. Who would have ever thought that would happen?

Anyway, on to the real purpose of today's blog.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out or understand why Patrick Dempsey was out of work for so long between the end of the 80s and Sweet Home Alabama. If I were a producer or a casting director, I would have been tripping all over myself to get him onto every project I had in the works. And this need to have him in the credits would not be because of his McDreamy good looks - although they are indeed McDreamy - but moreso because of the man's pure emotional talent.

I used to tell my friends that the thing that set Derek Shepherd apart from other TV heartthrobs was the way in which he looked at people; particularly Meredith. Any time there was an emotional scene, whether it be joy or sadness or heartbreak or love, the man would just bleed it from his eyeballs. There were times when Vartan would make me swoon simply because he was such a good gazer when it came to looking at Sydney with such love and passion, and that's exactly what Dempsey is doing with how Derek gazes at Meredith. But Derek does more than gaze. And Patrick Dempsey does more than act.

The mark of a memorable and noteworthy actor is when you can watch them time after time and get quite literally lost in their emotions because you simply forget that it's all just acting. I watch Dempsey's scenes week after week and it seems like there's always at least one moment when he's able to show the depth of his talent. I always wonder what he's thinking about in his mind to be able to make the real emotions come shooting out of his eyes like laser beams, and when it comes to the crying scenes I would guess that it must be exhausting to think about whatever he has to think about in order to cry as believably well as he always does.

When he finally pulled Meredith out of the water and spent the rest of the episode distraught and terrified, I have to say that I have never loved him more. However, I'm sure that the next episode will only prove to greatly surpass how much I currently love the man already.

It was pretty much impossible to not feel what Derek was feeling as he was pumping her chest and rattling off orders in the trauma room... and then sitting helplessly in the hallway fighting back tears as much as he could manage. Maybe it was just me (well, me and Caroline), but I had to stop and remind myself that it was just a show and it was all only bits of incredible acting - no one was actually suffering and no one's heart was actually breaking. Patrick made it all so real, though, that it was hard to not get lost in his emotions. I have such great respect for actors that can pull off emotion in that way, and in my opinion there aren't very many of them.

Jennifer Garner was always a master when it came to the crying. I've been screaming at the academy to give Maura Tierney her more-than-well-deserved Emmy for more years than I can count now. And as I said, Patrick Demspey can say so much with just the look in his eyes.

I'm willing to bet what little money I currently have that by the time the Emmy Awards roll around again next year, Dempsey will be honored and awarded for his work in this three-episode arc. I can only imagine that this coming week's arc finale will be his best work yet. And if he doesn't win an Emmy for it, then I'll have to write even more letters to the academy on top of my "Stop Shunning Maura" hate mail that they already receive year after year.

Because, c'mon. How can you not stand up and recognize the wonderfulness that is Dempsey lately?

And as far as predictions go for the arc finale, I can say that there are two possibilities for how Meredith's heart will finally start beating again. 1) All of the doctors have given up and are seconds away from calling time of death when Cristina or Derek (at least one of whom will have invaded the trauma room by then) will punch her in the chest - the classic last chance effort brought about by emotion and frustration, which always seems to work, or 2) All of the doctors will have given up and are about to call time of death; they are standing around silently in shock when suddenly the heart monitor just starts beeping again. On it's own. Miraculously.

Because, ya know, the episode is called "Some Kind of Miracle." And don't tell me nothing like that ever happens. I saw it on ER once, so it's a valid possibility.

Now, I would be surprised if she got her heart rate back up and suddenly was awake and fine. To me, that's somewhat miraculous but not enough to be a major arc-ender. My theory is that they'll be able to stabalize her heartbeat but she'll remain in a coma for the rest of the episode as we switch back and forth between Derek & the interns in their grief and Meredith hanging out with Dylan & Denny in limbo. At episode's end, Meredith will have chosen life and she'll wake up in her hospital room where I'm willing to bet good money that Derek is standing/sitting by her bedside either asleep or holding her hand. Or both.

Also? Caroline is correct in her opinion that Ellis Grey will be the one to actually die. I don't know that for a fact, since spoilers don't say a thing about that, but I agree with my esteemed colleague on that theory. I also think it would be really cool if Ellis appeared in limbo with Meredith, thus helping to guide her choices and also allowing Meredith to know that her mother has died so that no one has to really break the news to her once she wakes up. If that doesn't happen, then I really love the idea of it being a "death gives birth to new life" story in the way that as Ellis is flatlining and dying, Meredith is finally waking up. At the same exact time.

There are so many ideas and comments swirling around in my head about this show right now, but I think I've actually covered everything I wanted to say that Caroline hasn't already put in her previous blog. Nevertheless, my excitement and anticipation of this next episode is so "code red" high that I'm the crazy fangirl who actually requested to have this coming Thursday off of work so that I could be home to watch it live. That means that the episode better live up to all of my expectations and then some, otherwise Shonda Rhimes is going to owe me one full shift's worth of pay.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

HEROES: Made For TV?

When it comes to writing these blogs, Caroline and I work off of an agreement that we never simply write a blog because a new episode aired and it would be "the thing to do." The way things work around here at Chaos in General is that Caroline and I only ever blog for our respective shows when the muse makes an appearance. For anyone lost, the muse is a literary (yet often unreal) figure or feeling that provides inspiration toward writing topics and other such things. Basically, if I'm struck with a new theory about one of my shows or I have a realization that I think is incredibly interesting, then I'm going to come here and type it all out. If I watch an episode of one of my shows and it doesn't really have an effect on me in any way, then I'm not likely to blog about it that week. I'm not going to be blogging post-ep recaps with zero enthusiasm just so that I can say I blog on every show, every week. That's beyond annoying for you and me both.

So anyway, the past week or so I've been struggling with Heroes and trying to figure out why exactly it is that my muse hasn't been visiting. It isn't that the episode from Monday wasn't great or completely fascinating - it was. And it's not that I don't love the show and desperately want to find out what's going on from week to week, either.

The only conclusion I can come up with is that I'm subconsciously distancing myself from the show because I worry that it won't last as long as people believe that it will.

It has all of the makings of a classic, long-lasting series. It's winning awards and picked up a huge fan following in no time at all, so it's not like it's suffering in ratings or reviews. But the issue I have with it is that, to me, it feels like it would have made a really kickass movie; maybe not so much a long-running series.

According to the timeline, there's only a few weeks left until the bomb explodes in NYC. That means there's only a few weeks left until they have to save the world. That, in turn, also means that I have no idea what the hell the point of this show is going to be after the next few weeks go by and they accomplish their main mission. I get that they're just going to create new missions for all of the heroes to work on together or apart, and I get that they can more or less drag this out for years simply by creating new bad guys and new things that need saving.

But how long until that gets tired and overdone? How long before I'm rolling my eyes and wondering what the hell the point is anymore?

The truth of the matter is that I only started watching the show in the first place for Greg Grunberg. He's my teddy bear and I would follow him to any show. He's not disappointed me yet, considering that he was on Felicity, Alias, Lost (only the pilot, but still.), and now this show. I'm positive that Heroes isn't going to disappoint me, but for some reason I just can't let go of the feeling that this storyline idea would have been much better suited for a theater near you.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Grey's Anatomy: Terror in the Exam Room of Sex and Death

Grey’s was incredible last night.

Partly because my roommate Lily and I decided to finish off the two bottles of wine we had left over from Valentine’s Day, leading me to have an utterly sloshed Grey’s experience. It really was quite fun. We are making it a weekly experience.

You should know by now that I love spoilers. (Hell, I devoted an entire column to my obsession.) So I knew, thanks to Michael Ausiello, Kristin Vietch, and just about every spoiler source this side of Shonda Rhimes, that Jeffrey Dean Morgan was coming back in some capacity. I knew that. I just assumed that his appearance would be A) trite, predictable, and probably unnecessary and B) Izzie-related. So for him to show up there in an original, surprising, and terrifyingly-Meredith-related was a wonderfully welcome surprise.

Seeing Dylan Young (Bomb Squad Guy) was thoroughly freaky, and provided a really great capper to an ending we thought was a forgone conclusion—Meredith flatlining.

While I’m sure it was truly backbreaking work for Ellen Pompeo to spend her workweek being carted around by her castmates and lying prone on a gurney, the real acting props for this episode belong to Patrick Dempsey. His facial expressions were unparalleled, even by previous McDreamy faces. We, again, called that the Knight in Shining Whatever would pull her out of the water, but it was so touching to see him so lost without Meredith. Desperately giving her CPR in the ambulance, touching her forehead softly as his peers forced him out of the exam room (same one they did the dirty in?), slouched so sadly in the hallway. I loved that he tried to look inside every time the door swung open.

There was additionally some really great Izzie (“rock star!”), some really great was a lovely ensemble episode: Bailey, the Chief, Addison, Burke, even Mark offering support to Derek.

Predictions? Well, we’ve been hearing there’s another death (not Meredith) next week, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Ellis Grey. Why would they still have her in the hospital if her stay was to be overshadowed by this massive trauma? They wouldn’t. If she was going to be fine, they would have sent her back to the nursing home already to recuperate and then bring her back for more Ellis drama later. She’s been casually mentioned in the last two episodes, but has appeared only through the doorway. She’ll appear to Meredith in the Exam Room of Sex and Death and bring closure to their relationship, and perhaps give Meredith the push she needs to be alive. [Mae: “That's the point of her limbo. To CHOOSE to live, considering how much she's been all depression and suicide lately.”]

I also think it’s about time we get a Derek/Meredith “I love you” that isn’t prefaced by some form of “pick me choose me.” I really can’t wait to see what happens when she wakes up and her Knight in Shining Whatever is sitting tearfully at her bedside.

I’ve also decided to try again to go off spoilers. As much as I love being an informant to my friends, this week’s episode was so much better since I wasn’t at all expecting that final moment. Props to the Grey’s crew for keeping Kyle Chandler’s appearance completely under wraps—I was shocked.

Anyway, we’ll see how long that lasts.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

BROTHERS AND SISTERS: Casting Incest & Weed - Both, Killers of Brain Cells

There's a classic episode of Roseanne in which she and Dan find a stash of marijuana in the basement and quickly jump to conclusions that it must be David's or Darlene's, only to later realize that it's their own stash that they hid down there years ago after she got pregnant with Becky. Later in the episode, with all of the kids out of the house and Jackie hanging out in their living room as usual, they all three decide to roll a joint and smoke it up for old time's sake.

The scene that follows - the one that shows them all completely stoned in the bathroom and carrying on in typical stoner fashion - is by far one of the funniest sitcom moments I have ever seen in my entire life. No matter how many times I see that episode on Nick @ Nite, it still has me near tears with laughter everytime that scene comes on my TV screen.

And I would suppose I find it so hilarious because (I can only imagine. No, really.) that's exactly what being high is like. Not that I speak from experience or anything. Drugs are bad. Just say "no" and all that shit.

Nonetheless, that same exact hypothetical life-analysis is the reason I was again practically falling off of my couch at this past weekend's episode of Brothers and Sisters.

First of all, I don't think it's possible to express just how deeply I love Sally Field. She's brilliant beyond brilliant. I craved the episodes of ER when she would show up as Abby's bi-polar mother, Maggie. She's simply a thrill to watch, because she's just so good at what she does. And to be honest, she was a huge part of why I decided to give B/S a chance in the first place. Her, and the fact that it also had Ally McBeal as well as Getty and Sloane from Alias. I'm easily lured by loved characters from my past. Still, Sally Field was the clencher.

I have to say that if there was one thing I never thought I would witness Sally Field playing on-screen, it would have been "stoned out of her mind on weed." But it was so effing perfect and hilarious that I had to pause and rewind the TiVo at least five times before I stopped being utterly entertained with it all.

Her portrayal of Nora Walker has been priceless from day one of this show. She's actually a lot like Maggie from ER whenever Maggie was on her meds, which is kind of fun to notice. And her chemistry with Calista is completely to die for, so I love that they have the love/hate relationship of the family. It makes for such a good time whenever they're in a room together.

The only problem I'm having with this show is getting past all of the connections to past shows that I have with so many of the actors. To begin with, it's a show run by Ken Olin who directed assloads of Alias episodes and the cinematography of B/S is so completely the exact same style that I can't even help myself when I scream out "That's a file shot from an Alias exterior!" I'm a freak, but that's beside the point.

Secondly, the addition of Rob Lowe absolutely had me doing the happy dance all over my apartment because I love him so damn much... but he's a politician and everything he says sounds like a politician and now he's running for the White House and I just CANNOT stop wanting to call him Sam or waiting for Josh and Donna to come walking into the room. It's incredibly distracting. I do, however, adore the relationship between he and Kitty that has now finally come to fruition. Finally I have a 'ship for this show. YAY!

Okay and third? Getty and Sloane. Getty a.k.a Tom Grace a.k.a Balthazar Getty from Alias, who I didn't fall in love with on that show but you know what? His name was Tom on that show and it's Tommy on this show, too. It's too hard for me to focus on the difference when I'm already focusing on the scar through his eyebrow every effing time that I see his face. And as for Saul? It makes it really, REALLY hard for me trust Saul and not suspect that he's up to some secret, evil plot when all I can think of when I look at him is Arvin Sloane. Just the sound of his voice resonates evil plots of secrecy in my brain, and it's very hard to focus.

Oh, and I also find it pretty hilarious that Ken Olin had his wife play Dr. Barnett on Alias, who eventually had an affair with Sloane, and now he has his wife playing Holly on B/S and she's having (once upon a time did have, I guess) an affair with Saul. It yet again fucks with my mind to see them in a scene together. As if seeing Ron Rifkin and Getty in scenes together wasn't already setting off neurons in my brain wondering when Syd and the gang were going to join in on the meeting. Ugh.

It all hurts my brain way too much.

But I do really, truly adore this show. I also think I'm going to end up hard-core 'shipping Justin/Tyler and possibly even Kevin/Scotty as time goes by; I was liking Kevin with Chad, if for no other reason than that I enjoy any opportunity to see Jason Lewis shirtless, but I have a soft spot in my heart for Scotty and really think he'd be excellent for Kevin. As for Justin and Tyler, I just think they're crazyass adorable and will have plenty of time to continue being adorable...

...because you know there's no way in hell he's actually going to end up having to go back to war. I don't know how it's going to happen, but they'll get him out of it somehow. And I can't wait to see what happens next.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

LOST: We're here to watch.

Welcome to the first installment of what is likely to happen whenever Caroline and I are both at home in front of the TV at the same time for a show that we both love. Real-time blog chatting! Trust me, it's the coolest thing you've ever experienced. So follow along with us as we watch, and either heartily agree or angrily disagree with every second of our commentary. The time stamps are even in-tact to make it clearer what was happening at each moment as we chatted. Because we're just that aware of what might make things easier. We know that it'd probably make things easier if we actually spelled out what was happening as we talking about it, but that's too much extra work for us and we assume you've just watched it anyway so you should already know.

Sound like a plan to everyone? Wonderful. Then let us begin.


Caroline (8:44:55 PM): get excited
Mae (8:45:07 PM): i'm way past excited
Caroline (8:45:33 PM): i'm sorta upset that jate's spending so much time apart now
Caroline (8:45:42 PM): seriously all they've had together this season is the glass-hands
Mae (8:46:03 PM): well that just means that we're owed some major fluff by season's end
Mae (8:46:25 PM): kind of like jabrams keeping syd & vaughn apart all of season five.
Caroline (8:46:30 PM): true true
Caroline (8:46:36 PM): you know what bothers me about that?
Caroline (8:46:48 PM): that was the first time that sydney kept a secret from the audience. and i don't like that.
Mae (8:47:24 PM): yeah i know.
Mae (8:47:41 PM): but us smart folk knew the secret without being told, anyway
Caroline (8:47:47 PM): still
Mae (8:49:05 PM): i understand. it went against the jabrams way of doing things.
Mae (8:49:34 PM): not totally surprising considering that jabrams wasn't, like, around for that season AT ALL.
Caroline (8:50:03 PM): he was my absent husband!
Mae (8:50:30 PM): season five was probably the best example of that ever, yes.
Mae (8:51:33 PM): i love how kate watches sympathetically as alex says goodbye to her brainwashed boyfriend... like she totally understands and feels the pain of leaving a true love behind on the bad island to run off to the good one.
Caroline (8:51:44 PM): oh! prediction
Caroline (8:52:03 PM): jack ends up in the chair
Mae (8:52:20 PM): oh! good call!
Mae (8:52:46 PM): did you catch like i did that the brainwashing technique is OMGLIKESOTHESAME as when they tried to turn syd into julia?
Caroline (8:55:29 PM): umm yeah
Mae (8:57:57 PM): okay. and i was laughing so hard at the drs. shepard and burke "coincidence"
Caroline (8:59:00 PM): i know, right?
Caroline (8:59:14 PM): did i tell you that or did you figure it out on your own? (not that it was that difficult to be like, wtf, abc?)
Mae (8:59:30 PM): as soon as they called her "dr. burke" last week, i laughed
Mae (9:00:07 PM): and an all-new episode of lost starts RIGHT NOW.
Caroline (9:00:19 PM): :-)
Caroline (9:00:28 PM): i love desmond in the big tshirt
Mae (9:00:40 PM): big tye-dye shirt, no less
Caroline (9:00:54 PM): i bet he has a cute butt. just sayin'
Mae (9:01:01 PM): i can agree with that.
Caroline (9:01:07 PM): i love that they brought on rodrigo santoro, but i swoon for desmond
Mae (9:01:31 PM): invading sawyer's space! score!
Caroline (9:01:45 PM): YES!
Caroline (9:01:59 PM): of course sawyer has porn
Caroline (9:02:01 PM): he had to
Mae (9:02:06 PM): and all the alcohol
Caroline (9:02:36 PM): "the island killed him" hee
Mae (9:02:59 PM): ha! i love charlie. so unable to suspend disbelief.
Mae (9:03:07 PM): run, desmond! RUN!
Caroline (9:03:21 PM): YES! strip strip strip
Caroline (9:03:30 PM): i love those take your clothes off and dive into the water
Caroline (9:03:41 PM): a la jack, sawyer, sayid in the finale from last year
Mae (9:03:45 PM): uh. oh.
Mae (9:03:52 PM): claire. oh no.
Caroline (9:03:52 PM): did you not just see the promo?
Mae (9:03:59 PM): no i don't always pay attention, lol
Caroline (9:04:10 PM): it's lost. you have to pay attention.
Mae (9:04:12 PM): i have serious ADD when it's not actual TV time.
Caroline (9:04:24 PM): i really want to see a charlie/claire wedding
Mae (9:04:29 PM): meeeee too.
Caroline (9:04:32 PM): beat on her chest! that always works
Mae (9:04:54 PM): desmond is el psychic-o.
Caroline (9:04:57 PM): honestly---desmond's premonitions are probably a pretty nice thing to have around
Mae (9:05:06 PM): fuck yes they are.
Mae (9:05:29 PM): "everyone hide! the black smoke is coming in three hours!"
Caroline (9:05:47 PM): "run! the others!"
Caroline (9:08:18 PM): how come claire suddenly has bangs?
Mae (9:08:38 PM): same reason none of the men have massive beards yet.
Caroline (9:08:52 PM): seriously
Caroline (9:08:57 PM): jealous charlie
Mae (9:09:31 PM): yay!
Caroline (9:09:37 PM): drinking!
Mae (9:09:42 PM): i like the idea of getting people really bloody drunk
Caroline (9:09:56 PM): OHH penny's in this episode
Caroline (9:10:07 PM): i love her
Mae (9:10:14 PM): good! i've missed her since last year.
Mae (9:11:18 PM): YES! drunken singing! LOVE!
Mae (9:11:27 PM): hahahahahahahahaha!
Caroline (9:11:34 PM): charlie! love!
Mae (9:13:10 PM): fight! FIGHT!
Caroline (9:13:18 PM): drunk fighting
Caroline (9:13:21 PM): classy
Caroline (9:13:24 PM): "duuuuude"
Caroline (9:13:43 PM): maybe he shoulda gotten the key before he set off the thing
Mae (9:14:03 PM): charlie may not need to know what happened to desmond, but i sure as hell want to know
Caroline (9:14:24 PM): flashedy
Caroline (9:14:37 PM): PENNY!
Mae (9:14:45 PM): i looooooove penny!
Caroline (9:15:13 PM): do you think this is a flash-forrrrrward?
Mae (9:15:21 PM): it's a flash-confusing.
Caroline (9:15:29 PM): wouldn't that be fucking amazing?
Mae (9:16:07 PM): like the turn-key sent him home. and then he ended up back on the island. or everything about the island was his unconscious dream when he fell off the ladder.
Caroline (9:17:00 PM): that'd make the rest of the show pointless
Mae (9:17:30 PM): unfortunately, they wouldn't be the first show to do it though.
Caroline (9:17:53 PM): damon: "a flashback device employed 'in a way we never have before and never will again"
Caroline (9:18:06 PM): "it'll either blow people's minds or chase them away for good"
Caroline (9:18:11 PM): i really want this to be a flash-forward
Mae (9:18:16 PM): there was a time when i seriously thought jabrams would cop-out with alias and make everything after S2 be a dream.
Caroline (9:18:26 PM): your "through the looking glass" theory
Mae (9:18:49 PM): yes. which i didn't stick with, but still the man was obsessed with alice in wonderland regardless
Caroline (9:18:52 PM): 108!
Caroline (9:19:10 PM): i love tie-tying
Mae (9:19:17 PM): hahaha "building a mystery" playing in the background
Mae (9:19:18 PM): niiiiiice
Caroline (9:20:04 PM): wtf
Caroline (9:20:25 PM): i'm so lost
Caroline (9:20:27 PM): bwahahaha "lost"
Caroline (9:20:57 PM): 815
Caroline (9:21:15 PM): that was the first time i realized 4 8 15 had 815 in it
Caroline (9:21:45 PM): SO CONFUSED. definitely a flashback
Mae (9:24:55 PM): i... wonderwall!
Mae (9:24:58 PM): love this song.
Caroline (9:25:01 PM): charrrrrrlie!
Caroline (9:25:07 PM): freeeakyy
Mae (9:25:09 PM): charlie in a desmond flachback!
Mae (9:25:16 PM): dude. he remembers. i'm so lost.
Caroline (9:25:24 PM): i know i'm so freaked out
Caroline (9:25:38 PM): hieronymus
Mae (9:25:42 PM): what. theeeee fuck. is going on.
Caroline (9:25:59 PM): has he always had this ability?
Mae (9:26:04 PM): "this is why we don't do drugs" LMAO
Caroline (9:26:06 PM): "this is why we don't do drugs"
Caroline (9:26:07 PM): :-)
Mae (9:26:26 PM): yeah looks like maybe he "dreamed" life on the island before he was ever there?
Mae (9:26:40 PM): because otherwise, i have no idea what's going on.
Caroline (9:26:53 PM): i was so looking forward to a happy flash-forward
Caroline (9:26:58 PM): like west wing did in season seven
Mae (9:27:06 PM): awww, yeah. that was good.
Mae (9:27:33 PM): all this is well and good but i'd like to get back to kate, please.
Caroline (9:28:08 PM): says the girl who last ep was bitching about how we haven't seen the rest of the losties in like five episodes
Mae (9:28:27 PM): not "the rest of the losties"... just michael and walt.
Mae (9:28:35 PM): they're the only ones i want to know what the hell is going on with.
Caroline (9:29:41 PM): seriously? i hope those fuckers died at sea
Mae (9:29:47 PM): LOL i don't "care about what happened" to them because i care about THEM, i'm just intrigued about where the fuck they went
Mae (9:30:15 PM): plus, it's a double-edged sword because when i get lots of screen time on my OTP and they're being kept apart, i get frustrated and want to see something else. but then i see something else and miss my OTP, even if i do only get to see them apart.
Caroline (9:30:59 PM): that was one of sydney's contacts, dude
Caroline (9:31:06 PM): i think that's the guy from kashmere
Mae (9:31:08 PM): it so totally effing was
Caroline (9:32:08 PM): MAKE YOUR OWN KIND OF MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mae (9:32:17 PM): MY FAVORITE SONG!!!!
Caroline (9:32:18 PM): only my favorite song EVER
Mae (9:32:51 PM): dude, des is freaking me out.
Caroline (9:33:00 PM): i don't understand
Caroline (9:33:04 PM): like i really don't follow
Mae (9:33:09 PM): alternate universe?
Caroline (9:33:12 PM):
Mae (9:33:21 PM): LMAO i was just looking up the same exact thing
Mae (9:34:20 PM): yup, he was the contact that got killed by the baddies when syd, spydaddy and spymommy went to kashmir.
Caroline (9:34:26 PM): yep
Mae (9:34:28 PM): and he was on heroes, which i also remember.
Caroline (9:34:44 PM): shirtless des=great
Mae (9:35:14 PM): you know what else? WTF with the finale last year and penny getting a phone call that they "found him"?
Caroline (9:35:28 PM): dude where have you been for the last six months?
Caroline (9:35:30 PM): RINGS
Caroline (9:35:35 PM): i am so in love with engagement rings
Caroline (9:35:51 PM): aren't most engagement ring shoppers first-timers?
Mae (9:36:22 PM): dude, lost took a fucking mid-season summer-long hiatus and i forgot just about EVERYTHING of importance from the first half of the season already, lol. so bear with me if i forgot simple shit.
Mae (9:36:42 PM): i can't stand when they go off the air for that long. it makes me stop caring and i forget about things.
Caroline (9:36:51 PM): WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???
Mae (9:36:52 PM): whaaaaaat is happening with the ring store lady?
Mae (9:37:07 PM): WHAT THE FUCK????
Mae (9:37:10 PM): I AM SO CONFUSED.
Caroline (9:37:20 PM): DITTO
Mae (9:37:33 PM): uuuuum. i'm sorry, WHAT???
Caroline (9:37:40 PM): crazy fucker
Caroline (9:37:55 PM): dude
Caroline (9:38:03 PM): i want tom the other's last name to be hobbes
Caroline (9:38:08 PM): this show is lacking a hobbes
Caroline (9:38:31 PM): damon wrote this episode
Mae (9:38:33 PM): in the words of erin dailey, originally spoken about another jabrams' show: "ow. i think i sprained something. IN MY BRAIN."
Caroline (9:39:51 PM): haha!
Caroline (9:41:47 PM): "do you like chestnuts?"
Caroline (9:41:49 PM): freak
Mae (9:42:09 PM): what is she, like his "ghost of christmas future"?
Mae (9:43:03 PM): whoa. crazyass shit.
Caroline (9:43:04 PM): FREAKY
Mae (9:43:53 PM): duuuuude. it's like the "final destination" movies. death will always come and find you, even if you escape it the first 3408957 times.
Caroline (9:44:17 PM): i am still so confused
Mae (9:44:23 PM): well, yeah. me too.
Mae (9:44:45 PM): who the hell is this crazy lady?
Caroline (9:45:15 PM): weiiiird
Caroline (9:45:52 PM): penny looks freakishly like ellen pompeo
Caroline (9:46:13 PM): THE PICTURE
Mae (9:46:31 PM): ah, and now he remembers again.
Caroline (9:46:39 PM): i want her to play med student sister lexi
Mae (9:46:48 PM): yeah! and at some point?
Mae (9:47:23 PM): we need to discuss how soon thatch had more kids because if lexi is in med school and baby laura's mom is only 22?
Mae (9:47:25 PM): good god.
Caroline (9:48:18 PM): oof coward--charlie said that earlier
Caroline (9:48:56 PM): dude, you should know already to suspend belief on the timeline of grey's
Mae (9:49:24 PM): it's been a long time since an episode of lost had me this effing confused
Caroline (9:49:41 PM): i know, right?
Caroline (9:50:06 PM): "grey's shocker! meredith dead?" -tvguide
Caroline: ridiculous
Mae (9:50:25 PM): HA! LOVE!
Mae (9:50:38 PM): you know the cliffhanger this week will be her flatline.
Mae (9:51:06 PM): and everyone and their grandma's dog will spend the next week spazzing about her actually dying. and i will laugh.
Caroline (9:51:57 PM): commercial. speak of the devil....
Mae (9:52:59 PM): hee! i love deja vu. it freaks the fuck out of me when it happens.
Mae (9:53:03 PM): yay my song!
Caroline (9:53:07 PM): i know, right?
Mae (9:53:26 PM): maaaaaake your own kind of muuuuuuusic!
Caroline (9:53:31 PM): sing your own special song!
Mae (9:53:37 PM): oops.
Mae (9:53:46 PM): desmond got a boo-boo on the head.
Caroline (9:54:19 PM): that made abso-fucking-lutely no sense
Mae (9:54:20 PM): christ, that man is in good shape.
Caroline (9:54:54 PM): yeah that would suck
Caroline (9:55:52 PM): oh noooo
Caroline (9:55:55 PM): claire
Mae (9:56:30 PM): LOL hurley. love.
Caroline (9:56:40 PM): uff claire
Mae (9:56:49 PM): yeah pretty much.
Caroline (9:56:53 PM): "you're a good man, charlie"
Caroline (9:56:54 PM): BROWN
Mae (9:57:02 PM): HAHAHA!
Mae (9:58:04 PM): he was saving charlie, right? ooooh, i KNEW IT.
Caroline (9:58:04 PM): "i was saving you"
Caroline (9:58:22 PM): ook
Caroline (9:58:38 PM): no charlie!!
Mae (9:58:42 PM): dude. charlie is next, according to des' theory from the crazy lady.
Mae (9:58:47 PM): i will go apeshit if they off charlie.
Caroline (9:58:52 PM): agreeeeed
Caroline (9:59:00 PM): course-correcting?
Caroline (9:59:06 PM): "you're next"
Caroline (9:59:18 PM): damn. i thought i had the line
Mae (9:59:27 PM): yay! let's talk about the tattoo!
Mae (9:59:33 PM): i love foxy's tattoo.
Caroline (9:59:52 PM): "we're here to watch"
Mae (10:00:04 PM): jack's in some bad shit.
Caroline (10:00:05 PM): title of our blog
Caroline (10:00:13 PM): i'm telling you---jack in the chair
Mae (10:00:15 PM): fuck yeah.
Mae (10:00:23 PM): i'm totally behind you on that call.
Mae (10:01:03 PM): so. um. anyway...? still confused.
Caroline (10:01:29 PM): yeah i don't get it
Mae (10:05:13 PM): i swear to jabrams, i will teach him the definition of "bitchcakes" if they kill charlie
Caroline (10:06:17 PM): "you know how many pieces of gum beth chewed this year?" "750" "one"
Mae (10:06:40 PM): beth was right, too. "bitchcakes" totally did catch on and sweep the nation.
Caroline (10:07:22 PM): umm maybe the maura tierney fangirl nation
Mae (10:07:33 PM): same difference.
Mae (10:08:29 PM): is there actually a world that *isn't* maura tierney fangirls?
Caroline (10:08:35 PM): haha
Caroline (10:14:31 PM): i love her
Caroline (10:14:35 PM): she is my favorite
Mae (10:16:42 PM): she's fucking brilliant.
Caroline (10:16:49 PM): and so funny
Mae (10:24:38 PM): what do you think they'll have jack's tattoo mean?
Caroline (10:24:51 PM): i dunno, but did you see the TWOP discussion of it?
Mae (10:25:01 PM): noooooo?
Caroline (10:25:03 PM): they delved into some party of five stuff
Caroline (10:25:10 PM): hang on let me find it
Mae (10:25:31 PM): well yeah 'cause that's where it comes from realistically.
Caroline (10:25:40 PM): i know
Mae (10:25:41 PM): but the asian symbols, i wonder.
Caroline (10:25:42 PM): it was so funny
Mae (10:26:07 PM): people who aren't like us make me laugh when they try to figure out tv.
Caroline (10:27:02 PM):
Caroline (10:27:03 PM): why?
Mae (10:27:30 PM): why do they make me laugh?
Caroline (10:27:52 PM): or what do you mean?
Mae (10:28:18 PM): well, because they're the same people who will actually believe meredith is going to die. for real, dead and gone, die.
Caroline (10:28:30 PM): yes. stupids
Mae (10:28:42 PM): the type of people who don't comprehend the obvious rules of television.
Mae (10:29:44 PM): and LOL at the re-cap and reasoning for the tattoo
Mae (10:29:49 PM): very nice usage of the 5
Caroline (10:29:56 PM): i love the 5
Mae (10:30:17 PM): okay. i'm going to go translate this into our blog.
Caroline (10:30:22 PM): k. my battery is dying so i'm going to hibernate.
Caroline (10:30:27 PM): good chat.
Mae: (10:30:33): indeed it was. goodnight my dear.
Caroline: (10:30:47 PM): goodnight!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Grey's Anatomy: ...And a Room Overlooking the River Where I Can Paint

Let’s face it, Grey’s Anatomy is going to end with Derek and Meredith happily-ever-after in some form or another. I, of course, have some very specific ideas in mind, though I ultimately just want to see them content and together.

Derek has a lot of land. Pretty soon, Shonda needs to move him out of the Airstream and have him start building his mansion on a hill overlooking his lake. I see it as a big southern plantation-style home with white clapboard and big blue shutters—think the house Noah builds in The Notebook. As the project evolves, Meredith becomes more and more involved, and begins to contribute. Perhaps she picks out paint colors and chooses the furniture for the master bedroom. Maybe there’s a little angst when she assumes the room off of the master bedroom is Derek’s home office, but he has different, more long-term plans for the space.

This creates many intriguing possibilities, not the least of which is McDreamy working on the house in the misty Seattle morning. Shirtless.

It also opens the door (metaphor, anyone?) to important Derek/Meredith discussions, including Derek’s different, more long-term plans for the room off the master bedroom. Once the house is finished, should she move in? What of Ellis’s house? (Prediction: Meredith sells it to George and Callie for a sonnet so they can start their family.)

The man needs a project, stat. He needs something to concentrate other than his own insecurities and the inadequacies of his relationship with Meredith. (She’s not perfect? Go figure. Get over it.) And, honestly, it’s about time he moves out of the trailer. No grown man—especially not a neurosurgeon—needs to be living deliberately in the woods. Build yourself a dream house, Derek Shepherd. You can still set up your manly-man trailer in your backyard and sleep in it when you fight with Meredith. Your kids can play in it. (My great-aunt had an Airstream that she set up at our family farm, and holy crap that was fun. My cousins and I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ate them in the trailer. It was great.) You can still catch trout and fry it up for breakfast, except you could have a state-of-the-art kitchen in which to cook it.

And then you wouldn’t smell like trout all day. That’s a plus.

Ultimately, once Derek and Meredith are on the same page about the spare bedroom, there’s one inevitable conclusion to their story and to the Derek/Addison story. Derek and Meredith’s inevitable eventual baby will be born premature or with a rare baby problem. Perhaps it will be like the show I saw on the Discovery Health Channel called “Baby No Skin.” (No shit, that’s really what it was called.) And so of course, the only person who can fix her is the ex-Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd.

Baby Girl Shepherd brings not only the angst that my esteemed colleague so desperately craves, but also an absolution for the crumbling of the Addek marriage. Addison finally puts aside her snide comments (like last week’s likening of Meredith to “the perfect twelve-year-old”) to do the right thing and save their little girl. And in a moment of supreme sweetness, she’ll place the healthified baby into Derek’s waiting arms. He kisses her cheek, says, “Thank you, Addie,” and turns his attention to his new baby daughter. Addie smiles, touches Baby Kate’s cheek (yes, I named her), and says, “My pleasure.” She leaves the happy daddy and daughter to themselves, stands in the doorway, and wipes a single tear from her eye before smiling at the little family and leaving the nursery.

And I will do a happy dance, which involves balling my fists and shaking them uncontrollably while I hop repeatedly from one foot to the other (or just shake my legs if I am already sitting down), squeezing my eyes closed and whipping my face around in delight, all the while smiling like a maniac and squeeing.

Wow, that sounds suspiciously like a seizure.

Look out in the coming days for several pages of reasons why Baby Grey-Shepherd is a girl.

Monday, February 12, 2007

GREY'S ANATOMY: Scalpels and Power Tools

The very first time I became a true, obsessive fangirl over a television couple, I was in the 5th grade and my OTP was part of a daily soap opera. I look back on it now and can't even hardly believe it. Soap operas are many things, but watching material for a 5th grader is certainly not one of them. Another thing they are not is thought-provoking or worth any real addiction. I'm not trying to belittle anyone who still has an obsession with a soap or one of it's OTPs; I still find time to watch and drown mindlessly into the worlds of GH, AMC and DAYS from time to time. But it's rare because my brain is already too full of what I consider to be "real TV" to handle any obsession with something that I know is never truly going to go my way. It's a soap. There's no built-in guarantee for your couple on a show like that. So it's hard for me to focus on them anymore knowing that just because my OTP is happy now doesn't mean they'll be that way for long. Or ever be that way again.

In 1997 (which was a full 10 years ago and that realization just totally freaked me out), my little high school freshman self began a love affair with the brand new ABC soap, Port Charles. A medical drama spin-off from GH, I was intrigued by all the pretty new people in scrubs and white doctor coats. But really, I was just fan-following Michael Dietz who had a lead on the show and was previously part of my OTP from the first soap I ever loved. It should have been obvious from that first episode that this was going to be a downhill show, but I was young and my skills of analysis and picking out winning shows to watch were still being groomed.

Here's the thing, though: In the first episode of the baby-soap, the new interns were trapped in a hostage crisis with some other innocent victims. I know, I know. It's a soap, remember? One of the innocents was hit in the head with a gun by one of the bad guys, and her brain started to swell. They couldn't get her any real help because of that whole pesky hostage problem, so my hero Michael Dietz (well, his character Intern Joe) decided to be the hero and do whatever necessary in order to save the woman's life.

"Whatever necessary" ended up meaning drilling holes into her head with a dirty, unsanitized power drill left in the room by a construction crew who had been there not long before.

Now, in terms of Grey's Anatomy and what the promo showed us for this week's episode... is any of this sounding familiar?

I'm sure Izzie's reasoning for pulling the same dumbass stunt is exactly the same as it was in that soap opera 10 years ago; drill holes and release the pressure on the brain, or the patient will die. No time to sit and wait for a clean operating room. I get that, and in some ways I guess it really is heroic. But... it's just... I mean, it's a fucking POWER DRILL. I would personally take issue with someone poking holes in my skull using the same tool I employed to build Ikea bookshelves last weekend.

When it's between a power drill to the brain or death, I get that it's a different perspective. But I have to be honest - the whole "use a power drill to release the pressure" idea was a bit over-dramatic and far-fetched for me even at 14 years old when I saw it done the first time. I highly doubt I'm going to find it any more believable or impressive this time around. And I really don't want Shonda to let this show start going down the same path that Wells led ER when he started introducing helicopters cutting off people's arms and military tanker trucks shooting bazookas into the ambulance bay.

Seriously. I can't handle it if Grey's starts doing over-the-top stunts for the sake of sweeps and ratings. What Shonda's been doing so far has been brilliant and just the right use of drama/weird shit happening. It's just that the introduction of something I rolled my eyes at 10 years ago puts me a little on edge.

Maybe I'll just close my eyes and listen to my iPod during all of the Izzie/Power Drill scenes and reserve all of my attention for the Meredith storyline. I can't wait to see Derek dive into the water and pull her out (because you just know that's what's going to happen) only to find that she's hit her head and is unconscious. I even moreso can't wait until they realize she's having an internal battle of life & death and needs immediate surgery. I'm putting my money on brain surgery, because it would make for an effing unbelievable angst fest if she needed a neurosurgeon and her distraught boyfriend just happens to be the only man for the job. I'm sure the chief will try to tell Derek he can't operate on her because of the conflict of interest, but Derek will fight and debate that he's the very best and he won't have anyone else touching Meredith when it's so important. In the end, the chief will win and Derek won't be the one to operate. That, or she'll need Burke-ish or Bailey-ish surgery and it won't be Derek's territory to begin with. And then she'll spend some time in ICU recovery and at some point she's likely to crash and flatline, either in surgery or recovery (and most likely in the last minutes of the next episode, making for a kickass albeit predictable cliffhanger), and scare the living shit out of her knight in shining whatever.

In my head I can even see a scene between him and Addison where she comforts him and supports him and truly accepts, respects and understands his love for Meredith for the first time. Then eventually, of course, she'll wake up and be fine and I'd bet my collection of Grey's AND Alias DVDs that it will take him about 5 seconds to tell her that he loves her.

At which point she'll stare at him with tears in her eyes and thank him deeply for saving her life using something a little less ludicrous than a power drill.

Be Mine, Valentine

Who will you be sending a valentine to this year?

These three men captured my heart a long time ago, and while they remain perched high atop my Celebrity Safe List, they will not be getting valentines from me this year.

Vaughn is so adorably lovable, but he's admittedly not the brightest crayon in the box. (My great-aunt might go so far as to call him "dumber than a box of rocks.") He thought that KESTIMETRUTHTA was an encoded message. I'm sorry, but can you not clearly see two words there right in the middle? Derek's let-me-bitch-at-you-for-no-reason is getting more than a little grating, even though he's still a "knight in shining whatever." Jack Shepard is about as sensitive and brilliant as they come, but he's a little inaccessible to me right now. He also cries way too much for me. As gorgeous as they are (just check out that come-hither expression on Matthew Fox's face), I think my affection is better spent on the boys who consistently make me swoon.

These three writer/producers are a constant presence in my life. While perhaps not as "hot-cute" as Vartan, to put it in Alias terms, these glasses-clad Jews are, I think, genuinely sexy. Brainy, witty, and oh-so-complex, these guys have created some of my favorite television universes (and characters) ever.

Sorkin and and I are having a bit of a rough patch right now, because of my general disappointment with Studio 60, particularly the Danny/Jordan faux-relationship. (That's a story for another blog.) I'm sticking it out, because that's what you do when you've been together for nine years and when you still really love the way they talk. Doesn't hurt that he's incredibly brilliant, either. (Here's hoping Charlie Wilson's War is the best film of the 2007 Christmas season.)

Damon Lindelof is my newest love. His comments on the most recent Lost catch-up special gave me hope for Jate and for the future of his show. I have many of the same issues with the Alias finale as Mae does, but I do not doubt that Lost and I will eventually end on much better terms, and it's because of this man. However new it might be, he is committed to our relationship and would never think of cheating on me with, oh, say, Tom Cruise.

And JJ. Oh, JJ. Jabrams is like my very-absent workaholic husband. I would leave him if he wasn't such a good husband when he was around. When he does come home, he's very good to me, gives me really nice gifts, and he treats our children better than any of the babysitters. (Is this metaphor making any sense?) What I mean is, he's the best writer there is. He created the Lost characters, and he knows them so so well. But he's a busy man, what with the ginormous deal he signed with Paramount that has led to his involvement with the next Star Trek movie. And I resent him for that. But in the end, I still get totally psyched for the episodes he pens.

So Happy Valentines Day, boys. Now what did you get me?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

ER: Romance With a Side of Angst, Please

I'm an incredible sucker for all things angsty. Most of the time, I desperately wish that I could hate it like most other fangirls that I know. But I don't hate it. I practically thrive on it and go through painful withdrawals when everything has been perfect Skittles' rainbows and flappy, tropical rainforest butterflies with my any one of my OTPs for too long. It seems completely anti-fangirl, but most of the time I'd much rather see my OTP going through fights, emotional battles or even life & death situations. I'm a freak - I know. I just can't get enough of it. Any fangirl who's anything like me at all will surely agree that the angsty shit is what makes it all worthwhile. It keeps it interesting and provides new avenues for fluff and fuzz afterward.

Angst is quite possibly the greatest thing to hit storylines in the history of stories.

There is, of course, such a thing as too much angst. I do have a limit and a point at which it just gets either frustrating or downright fucking annoying. This is the exact reason why I never in a million years could have cared an ounce about Ryan/Marissa on The O.C. and also the reason why the first quarter of this season of Grey's Anatomy frustrated me to the point of almost turning off the TV. RyRissa was so melodramatic and every-single-week angsty that it just bored the life out of me. And the whole McDreamy/Meredith/McVet triangle went on for far too long when it was obvious to everyone who she would choose. The angst became frustrating.

But, generally speaking, I live for that stuff.

That stuff is what made me fall madly and passionately in love with ER's Carter and Abby. Everything about them screamed angst, and yet it was always (well, almost always) just the perfect amount of angst. In hindsight with all of the DVD's and TNT reruns that I've now memorized over the years, it was evident from day one; Valentine's Day of Season Six with two cups of coffee on a frozen hospital rooftop and perfectly timed banter about how to keep warm. Minutes later he was stabbed and nearly killed, which was later followed-up by Abby turning him in for abusing painkillers. Welcome to the land of star-crossed lovers and the angst that would forever haunt them. And entertain me.

Thy Will Be Done was one of their best episodes ever, yet it wasn't angsty in the least. The Letter was angsty, but only because of Mark's death - not because of Carter and Abby's feelings for one another, which were so marvelously displayed in coy stares and playful banter on the loading dock of a bar; four + minutes of conversation that are forever burned into my brain for being so damned perfect. Every time I watch that scene, a lonely tear slips down my cheek and I whisper into the wind just how desperately I love and miss Jack Orman. He created them as a couple, and no one could ever write them better. When he left, that fact became glaringly obvious.

But I digress, as I will surely find another day to talk about the wonder that was Orman. As far as Carby angst was concerned, the first moment that I truly and madly fell into fangirl love with them came not long into Season Nine after they had finally become a bonafide couple. It was the episode entitled Tell Me Where It Hurts - an episode that's title alone should have been a red flag of the angst to come - and Abby had just found out that her younger brother, Eric, was suffering from Bi-Polar disorder; the same disease that had crippled their mother throughout their lives and forever traumatized Abby's ability to believe in anything good.

Carter let himself into Abby's apartment and found her sitting on the couch, only to then walk into the kitchen where he saw an opened bottle of wine on alcoholic Abby's counter. She confessed to wanting to drink but that she hadn't. He wrapped her up in his arms and comforted her, telling her that everything would be okay in the end. Sitting down at her kitchen table, she confessed to Carter that Eric was the only person she ever had to lean on while they were growing up and dealing with this disease as it took their mother in and out of their lives. Now that Eric had the disease, too, she was terrified of being alone.

With tears in her eyes and her voice barely above a whisper, she admitted to her lover that she always felt like Eric was the only person she could ever count on. And even though it was a good five years ago or more, I still remember exactly what happened to me as I watched this scene go down.

Sitting cross-legged on my bed with a pillow hugged to my chest (routine OTP-watching placement), I saw the look in Abby's eyes as she whispered that line and I screamed at Carter through my TV, "Take the bait! She's begging for reassurance! TAKE THE BAIT!"

Carter stared her right in the eyes, never blinking, and told her that that wasn't true anymore. I smiled widely that he had listened to my advice. But then she did exactly what my own insecure ass would have done: chewed on a fingernail for a few seconds, then fragiley looked at her boy toy and said, "Promise?"

And when Carter simply continued to stare at her with this gaze of love and devotion, followed by his declaration of "I'm not going anywhere," I more or less was a goner for this thing that we all came to know as Carby. It was the beginning of a beautiful love affair with Carby angst, and I was happily along for the ride... until Africa, but I don't feel like discussing that at the moment.

I want to focus on what was so beautiful and addictive about the Carby relationship. Not only were they geniuses at banter - something I find very important in any of my couples - as well as adorably fuzzy when the opportunities to be so were present, but they were also beyond perfect at pulling off such realistic and empathetic angst. My heart always hurt along with them. I cried with them and for them every single time it was befitting.

His desperate fight to get past all of her invisible walls and finally gain the last drop of her trust was a battle I fought with him every single week. The love he had for her was so apparent, and it was heartbreaking to watch him fight so hard for what he knew was destined to be in the end. Everytime he comforted her or reassured her that she was safe with him, I fell more in love with him than ever before. Angst was what brought out the best in him as far as their romance was concerned. Abby being in trouble or being an emotional wreck was always an exciting thing for me, because it meant Carter would not be far behind with the perfect words of love and comfort. That, or an adorable post-fight make up moment was soon to come.

And as for Abby, I think I empathized with her more than anything else and found it so easy to get lost in her romance with Carter. The reason for that is quite simple: I am Abby Lockhart. I'm not an alcoholic (Yet. Technically.) and I don't have a Bi-Polar mother and brother. I don't even have a brother at all. But her emotional issues when it comes to trust and the fear of abandonment... in that sense, we are the same person. I pick fights with my boyfriends just to see how far I can push them before they give up on me and walk away. I make comments begging for reassurance veiled in either sarcasm or self-deprecation. I put them through endless psychological and emotional tests to see whether or not they'll stick around through thick and thin like they always say they will in the beginning. There was one point in Season Ten, right before I completely walked away from the show, when she had a little monologue about her inability to follow through on anything in her life because giving up is easier than failing or being disappointed. Listening to that speech, I felt like someone had ripped thoughts out of my own brain. So, needless to say, I felt very connected to her and it wasn't hard for me to see where she was coming from every time she pushed Carter's buttons.

It's possible that A Boy Falling Out Of The Sky is the most brilliant beyond brilliant example of why I love my angst so much. I'd go through a whole re-cap of it like I did for TMWIH but at this point I'm assuming you're all Carbies if you're still reading, therefore already know the basics of what happened. But anyway, the angst just built and built throughout the entire episode. I could have died in angsty heaven just in the beginning with that shadow-y hug in her hallway. However, my love affair with angst was just fed more and more as the hour went on, building up to the moment when he found her smoking her "I quit but I really didn't because I smoke when I'm stressed, just like Mae does" cigarette.

That scene alone quite possibly encompasses everything that I love about angst. It starts out calm and simple. Comforting and supportive words from him lead to self-deprecation and her trying to push his buttons yet again. He snaps, unable to deal with how much she doesn't believe in herself, and she jumps into this whole shpeal about how she's a train wreck and he's better off without her. She doesn't want him to settle for her when she feels like all she'll ever do is bring depression and trauma into his life. It's a loud, screaming battle. Most fangirls would have been terrified for their OTPs in moments like that.

I was loving every second of it.

And what did that angst get me? Why, a rooftop marriage proposal in the midst of that very same argument! How can anyone say that angst isn't the best part of any storyline? Look where it gets you!

In The Advocate, the episode that aired after Carter's aborted marriage proposal that followed the one on the roof, I was living on an angst high and was probably more in love with the show than ever before. My OTP was at a breaking point and yet they were still together, still deeply in love. The angst was thick I would have needed a Texas-sized chainsaw much like the one Leatherface used in the movie in order to cut through it all. Their fight on the street where she threw a pity-party and told him she would never be anything more than a disappointment to him? LOVE. Loved it even more because with it came the ever-expected fuzzy moment just minutes later as they came back together to embrace in an apologetic hug.

Angst was what began and, honestly, ended the life of Carby. But you can't really blame the angst for their demise. You have to blame John Wells, who I loathe and despise with every fiber of my being (and Caroline will readily agree), and you have to also blame the untimely loss of Jack Orman. I personally believe that Orman retired from the show because Wells was hell-bent on going ahead with the crazyass Congo storyline and Orman was sitting there going, "Um, dude? If you're going to do something this retarded and kill my supercouple in the process, I'm out." For that, I gotta have respect for the man. But still, you can't blame the angst. As far as the angst is concerned, it's only at fault because it carried on into the area of being so absolutely frustrating that I just couldn't even stand to watch it anymore. Knowing that Wells was at the helm didn't help either, since I was certain he would never find his brain cells and fix what he so idiotically broke.

That's why I choose to live in a world where ER ended as soon as the screen went black after Carter kissed Abby's sleeping head when he returned from Africa the first, stupid time. Although a lot of the early Season Ten angst was utterly enjoyable, it got old fast. Nothing will ever compare to what was so beautiful about them in their beginning.

I don't care what anyone says. I realize that it probably means there's something emotionally or mentally off-kilter about me that I get such great enjoyment out of depressing moments, and I assure you that my therapist would probably love to hear all about this. Still, there's just something about knowing the worst is coming that gets my blood pumping and my heart all excited for things to come.

Fuzz is all well and good, but it's meaningless without a good amount of angst thrown in from time to time to make you nervous.

That said, I'm ready to throw a party for next week's episode of Grey's Anatomy with all the angst and life/death situation issues it promises to give me. Thank Orman (or, really, Shonda) for Derek & Meredith. If I can't have my first medical-show OTP as a forever reality outside of my nostalgic mind, at least I have new replacements that are practically mirror-images of the originals when it comes to emotional angst issues.

Abby and Meredith could be sisters, ya know. They're that alike. And I couldn't possibly love it more.

Friday, February 9, 2007

THE O.C.: Sh-Sh-Shakin'

Sandy and Kirsten's baby will survive.

Seth will find his passion for life amidst all the chaos and rubble.

Ryan and Taylor will realize the amount of love they have for each other, moreso than what was said before the 'quake.

Kaitlin and Julie will be trapped but then saved by none other than Frank Atwood, giving Kaitlin an epiphany that he really is long-term daddy material.

The Cohen's will, in the end, move out of Newport Beach. Probably back to San Fransisco.

Seth and Summer will still go to Rhode Island, but they'll also get married first.

Unless of course the super-swanky and predictable "series finale wedding" ends up being Julie and Frank. Which would honestly kind of piss me off.

Nothing you just read was a spoiler. If you're a spoiler whore, you'd know that because you already know what the spoilers are. I don't spoil for this show. I'll tell you straight up, I only spoil for Grey's Anatomy and anyone who does that can scream from the rooftops that it's pretty much a worthless endeavor from which you learn absolutely nothing. So, more or less, I'm spoiler-free for every single show I love. But The O.C. is now officially 2 episodes from being over. Dead. Fin.

It's not exactly a complicated process to predict what's coming your way in a series finale. Just as Caroline made an entire list of general TV rules, there are also rules for TV series finales. As much as I bitch and moan about the Alias finale, it did actually follow most of the rules... sort of. But whatever; Josh Schwartz is not about to go against the rules. He may have let this show get a bit too cheesy for my liking recently, but he's never blatantly gone against the rules. This show has always been the easiest for me to predict. At the beginning of Season Three, my friend and I started speculating way ahead about what would happen once the gang all had to go to college.

We said that Ryan would go to Berkeley while Seth & Summer would be split up by two different coasts. We even called it that Summer would be the one to go through an end-of-high school crisis and decide she wanted to try and acheive more for herself; prove to herself and everyone around her that she wasn't some beach combing bimbo. I know you're all going to roll your eyes in disbelief (I would do the same thing, so go ahead. I'll give you a countdown. 4. 3. 2. 1...), but we actually predicted that Summer's choice of colleges would come down to either Princeton, Yale or Brown. BROWN. Before Seth even spoke a word about his own dreams for that school, we put it on our list. We're just that good. I, especially, am that good.

I am the eggman, afterall. Or maybe it's just that I'm the walrus. Coo-coo-ca-choo.

Eitherway, I win at life when it comes to predicting this show.

Last week when they previewed that there would be an earthquake, I predicted that it would leave the Cohen house in ruins. This would metaphorically and literally equal a new start and clean slate for everyone involved. I said back then that the Cohens would finally move back to Berkeley, since Sandy had mentioned it a few seasons ago in a passing comment and I never take passing comments like that at face value. And now they'll have the added bonus of Ryan being just down the street from them at all times! Trust me, it's gonna happen.

Here's the thing, though. Everyone made it very clear last night that their time remaining before going back to school was still a good 6 months away. And now there's been a massively destructive earthquake that's destroyed everything they've ever known with only 2 more episodes in which to wrap things up.

You can't really wrap things up in a pretty little "happily ever after" bow with death and destruction all around them. It just won't work. It's why Alias had to jump ahead a good 5 - 7 years in order to show us that things had worked out beautifully. And it's why I'm predicting that The O.C. will make use of the good 'ole time jump method as well. I can't imagine they'd jump ahead a few years - there's no need for that. But I can see them jumping ahead those last 6 months to show us life after the 'quake and how they're all rebuilding and moving on now. They did it after Marissa's death - we jumped a good three or four months after she died and got right down to the "life after the initial trauma" storyline. I liked that a lot better than having to sit through lots of melodramatic crying and her Ryan-less funeral. But that was probably just because I hated Marissa and was glad to see her go as well as glad to see that we wouldn't be focusing on her for much longer at all. SCORE.

This is how things will go down if Josh follows the well-known rules of a series finale.

Kirsten and Sandy will have a massive scare over the baby and it'll look like they might end up losing it. But they won't lose it. Ya know why? Because that would be tragic and terrible and not at all expected, therefore completely unacceptable to end a series. Everyone basically expected that the people who died on Alias' finale were going to bite the big one. That made it acceptable. Making two truly good and fan-adored people lose their unborn child is just against the rules. OKAY?

Their house will have been destroyed by the 'quake (as I assume everyone else's home will be, too, making for a pretty bad situation for Taylor and Ryan) and that gets rid of Kirsten's whole reasoning for staying in Newport. She wanted the kids to be able to come home for the holidays and reunite in that house where they all grew up. Well, the house is not going to exist anymore. No more excuses. They'll go back to Berkeley where people aren't shallow and crude and full of "OMG, I LIKE TOTALLY LOVE YOU, YOU HO-BAG!"

Gag me. I'd move, too. Very, very quickly.

Ryan and Taylor are likely trapped in the rubble of the Roberts' (Cooper's?) house, which will give them plenty of time to reflect on life and their newly-stated love for one another. I'm not entirely sure what this will mean for them aside from a generic "happily ever after," but I guess you can assume that by the time we see the 6-month jump they could theoretically be engaged. It's not really in Ryan's character to move through a relationship that quickly, but depending on what they go through post-quake it could end up being a possibility. I highly, HIGHLY doubt it... so don't go placing bets on that prediction or anything, but I'm going to go ahead and just throw it out there. They'll definitely, without any doubt, be going to Berkeley together and maybe even sharing an apartment instead of living on campus. Which would be a good "happily ever after" for them and would totally satisfy me. Ryan seems to be truly happy with her. And until he started dating her, I never really liked Ryan. He was always mopey and brooding and it got on my last effing nerve. With her, he laughs and makes jokes and he's fun to sit and watch. I've forgotten that Marissa ever existed. I never liked them together anyway.

Taylor and Ryan are the new and absolute OTP. I love them so much that my face hurts from all the smiling I do when I watch their scenes. It's sort of scary for me to admit this, but I've spent the better half of this season loving those two a lot more than I love Seth and Summer. And that's REALLY saying something, because Seth/Summer is one of my be-all, end-all OTPs. But Josh has cheesed them up a bit too much lately. And the ever-present Che didn't help me want to pay them much attention, since I found him to be so unbelievably obnoxious and cheese-worthy.

Nevertheless, Seth and Summer have spent a lot of this season discussing the ideas of being engaged and getting married. Summer's made it clear that she does want to marry him, but something is holding her back right now and she's just not ready. But now they've just gone through this traumatic and eye-opening experience together. He saved her life when he pulled her out of the car seconds before the streetlight crushed it. And he'll probably have a lot to do with saving/rescuing Ryan and Taylor because he and Summer know that they're both back at the house and they're the only ones un-trapped or un-hurt. Sandy's up and walking around just fine, but Kirsten's in a bad way so it's going to be up to Seth.

Summer... well, I really can't figure her out because of the whole GEORGE thing they've thrown into the pot. I can see her going off and doing that because she really does love it. But I can also see her deciding that life, family and love are too fragile and she can't leave it all behind after what happened. If she and Seth end up engaged, it'll be her that does the proposing. The ball is currently in her court and Seth wouldn't try it again so soon after the last rejection. These two have always been the built-in OTP and the series finale of any good show will bring you the wedding of your built-in OTP. Think back to 90210 and how that series finale was all about the "it's about damn time" wedding of David and Donna. I hated David and Donna, so I don't really have much else to say about that, but I do recognize that they were the show's built-in OTP and therefore it was to be expected. Still, David/Valerie all the way. Fight the power.

The X-Files didn't give us a wedding, but it also wasn't that kind of show. Nonetheless, it gave the audience what they'd been waiting nine years to see: Mulder and Scully deeply in love, together as an actual bonafide couple, running off into the sunset together. In terms of how Chris Carter operates, that was the closest equivalent to a "happily ever after" that we would have ever gotten out of him. And I was and am eternally grateful for it.

Then, of course, there was Alias with the "happily ever after" family walking off into their perfect beach sunset. I would have preferred a musical montage of their actual wedding, but what we got was still more than sufficient and again the equivalent of built-in OTP rules for series finales. That said, Seth and Summer don't have to necessarily get married in the end. But they do have to be engaged. I'm willing to let the whole idea of their finale wedding slide into my fantasy world though, since Schwartz has been pushing the Julie/Frank thing pretty hard and Kaitlin has made such an issue about wanting/needing a secure family. I can picture Schwartz re-doing the Julie wedding extravaganza all over again for the finale just like he did in the finale of Season One.

Which he very well may do. And I'll probably hate it because we've seen it before and I'm not entirely or even relatively attached to Julie's "happily ever after" aside from the fact that it'd be nice to know she got one. Just tell me she and Frank are engaged or whatever and I'll be satisfied. Leave the pretty dresses and bouquets for Summer. Maybe playing "wedding day" will help Adam and Rachel get back together! Now, there's a wish I'd like to see come true...

Oh yeah, and Sandy and Kirsten's baby will be a girl. If every rule I just laid out didn't really register with you, I would hope that you can concede to the one rule that never fails and is never broken: when adding on another child, the previous children will predict the sex of the newest. Sandy and Kirsten already have 2 boys. That's an automatic default to having a girl. Not to mention that it just solidifies the Kandy position as an everlasting OTP. If any couple has a child on-screen and that child is a girl, they're gauranteed to last forever. And since Alias and Isabelle Bristow Vaughn proved that I'm freakishly good at predicting baby names, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say they'll name her after either Kirsten's or Sandy's mother - I don't remember Kirsten's mom's name, but I can at least put a definite "Sophie" on the list. I'm leaning toward "Sophie Grace Cohen" right now. Nonetheless, it will be a girl. Caroline and I could (and surely will) post an entire blog on this topic at some point, but for now just trust me. It'll be a girl and girls = happily ever after.

If none of this actually happens, it's not going to be because I'm a sucky predictor. It's going to be because Josh Schwartz didn't follow the canon rules. And then I will be forced to write him lots of evil letters.

But at least I'll be able to focus on Grey's and nothing else every Thursday from now on.

I Try to Say Goodbye and I Choke: My Relationship with Spoilers

I am two distinct things: a slut for spoilers and a very busy girl.

This usually leads to the following:

9:01, I text-message my friend Deborah: Did you watch The Office? I have to know what happened.

9:02, no response. I call my sister at home to see if she watched it. She didn’t. “Well, could you look on the TiVo and tell me if Mom taped it? She did?! Will you watch the last three minutes and tell me what happened?”

Honestly, I have no idea why I need that information. It would probably make the episode more enjoyable if I didn’t know how it ended. (Neither of my friends came through for me tonight, and I had to sift through internet message boards while I waited for the episode to download.)

Then, I had the following AIM conversation with my friend, Clarissa, with whom I often watch Grey’s Anatomy:

CAROLINE: i didn't see!! what happened!!!!???
CLARISSA: oh you just have to watch
CLARISSA: i can't even tell you
CLARISSA: you just hvae to watch
CAROLINE: no please tell me
CAROLINE: i am such a whore for knowing
CAROLINE: pleasssee?????
CAROLINE: i can't
CLARISSA: otherwise it will sooooo ruin it
CAROLINE: it's not on youtube!!!!
CAROLINE: i don't caaaaaare
CLARISSA: let's just say i almost had a heart attack at the end
CAROLINE: why?????
CAROLINE: just tell me
CAROLINE: i don't care
CAROLINE: i want to know
CAROLINE: (ps i am going to blog about this)
CAROLINE: you suck
CLARISSA: i was like just thiiiiiiiinking of tellng you
CLARISSA: but now i won't
CAROLINE: go to hell
CAROLINE: you were not
CLARISSA: i like WANT to tell you
CLARISSA: but then when you watch
CLARISSA: it will ruin it
CLARISSA: pick up yo phone
CAROLINE: did you want to talk to me so you could apologize for being a nutcase?
CLARISSA: that and to tell you and lily what happened
CLARISSA: b/c it's too long to type

She called and told me.

Why do I do this to myself? BECAUSE I CAN’T HELP IT!

I have the utmost respect for people who refrain from reading spoilers, watching the promo clips on Yahoo, and, sometimes, for avoiding previews. Even my esteemed colleague Mae puts up away messages demanding that her friends keep their lips sealed about shows she’s waiting to watch. I simply cannot do it.

I am the person who sits on their computer and refreshes Michael Ausiello’s page at 12:00 midnight on Wednesday mornings. I check regularly, even though I know its updates usually don’t contain new information. Hell, I still read spoilers at, even though I haven't watched ER in three-and-a-half years. I analyze every promotional picture, every commercial, every comment made on late-night TV. "Stay tuned for scene's from next week's all-new..." is still my favorite part of the episode.

I think my compulsion probably has to do with the fact that I don’t watch fan videos or read fan fiction. I have been known to make the occasional desktop background, but that’s about it. I need something to fill all of my online time that I would otherwise be devoting to scouring YouTube or Maybe this new project here will allow me to stop obsessively hitting refresh on my favorite spoiler sites.

Maybe it’s because I’m an elitist sociopath who has to be constantly in-the-know. It was more than a little upsetting to me when my friend told me about Anna Nicole Smith’s death this afternoon. Not because I am worried about who gets custody of Sugar Pie the dog, but because I was actually a little miffed that it wasn’t me breaking the news to my friend.

Yeah, it’s pathetic, but there’s pretty much no end in sight.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try and actually find Grey’s online.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

The Office: Playing by the Rules?

I once made a list of the “Rules of Television.”

It covers an entire sheet of college-ruled notebook paper, front and back, and contained rules ranging from brilliant to asinine.

Rule #17: Avoid women named Rena. This was because of Dr. Carter’s short-time girlfriend Rena, who broke up with him because he chose a weekend road-tripping with Abby over Bulls tickets, and also because of Rena Sofer, an actress who I have despised in basically every role she’s ever played.

(That was an example of an asinine rule.)

Rule #23: Formalwear makes people want to get naked.

Yes, it does. Every time there’s an event of some kind that requires formalwear, shit’s going down.

Formalwear is the reason why Sydney and Vaughn had such great sex all the time. They were dressed up all the time, dude. (That, and the fact that Michael Vartan’s a French Jew.)

It is also part of the reason why Jack and Kate haven’t hooked up yet. If you can figure out how to get Jack back in the suit he wore in the pilot and fix Kate up with an island prom dress, they’d be in the proverbial sack in no time. I mean, I guess the Losties are a little busy fighting the Others and hunting boar to throw a jungle prom, but it would be a really great sweeps event, wouldn’t it? No?

These situations often involve sex, but it’s not a guarantee. It is probably important to note that situations involving fancy outfits are usually big events and big events usually occur during sweeps, and sweeps is usually when life-changing stuff happens to TV characters. (You’d think eventually they’d figure out they might want to brace themselves for November, February, and May—s’gonna be a rough few weeks.)

I call as evidence:

Ed, “Prom Night.” An obscure reference, but this show, as much as I loved it, conformed to just about every trite Television Rule I could fit on a ream of college-ruled paper. The first season finale brought the junior prom to Stuckeyville, and Carol was on the planning committee and roped Ed into helping her and, oh, going to the prom with her. An almost-kiss was interrupted by Rena Sofer. (See Rule #17.)

Grey’s Anatomy, “Losing My Religion.” Last season. Derek and Meredith do the dirty in an exam room while an impromptu patient prom goes on in the distance. (Check out YouTube or the season two DVDs for the uncut super-dirty version.)

ER. February sweeps of season seven, Carter just had to attend a supa-swank benefit at the Natural History museum and his date cancelled—what a bummer. Abby made Luka jealous by attending with Carter at the last minute, in a bridesmaids dress no less. The whole experience was perfect: Carter brought Abby flowers and checked her out in a bra, they shared a precious dance, they made awkward small talk with her ex-husband and then proceeded to let the air out of his tires. “Thy Will Be Done” remains one of my all-time favorites.

Leave it to Friends to take a fresh turn with this concept in the season two episode, “The One With the Prom Video,” which uses 1980’s formalwear to finally—finally!—get Ross and Rachel together. Like all the best Friends moments, their coupling was touching and hilarious. Appreciated.

Gilmore Girls’s Luke and Lorelai got together shortly after sharing a romantic dance at Luke’s sister’s wedding. The wreath in Lorelai’s hair during that episode (“Last Week’s Fights, This Week’s Tights”) was what did Luke in, I’m pretty sure. This also wins for best music ever, with Sam Phillips’s gorgeous “Reflecting Light.” Holy crap, I’m downloading it off Acquisition right now.

With such a steadfast canon of work to base my predictions on, I long ago assumed that tonight’s episode of The Office would bring big news for Jim and Pam, as it takes place at coworker Phyllis’s wedding. Recent spoilers and speculation, however, have led me to believe that perhaps my brilliant law of motion is about to get massively discredited.

I am definitely being coerced into thinking that Pam leaves Phyllis’s reception with Roy, not Jim.

This goes against the rules in every way conceivable.

It surprises me because lately The Office, as far as the Jim/Pam relationship is concerned, has been conforming to just about every rule on the piece of paper.

Rule #31: When you kiss an engaged girl in the season finale, you’ll mess her up enough to get her to stop being an engaged girl, but not enough to get her to run off with you.

Rule #7: Just when the timing might finally be right for the OTP, it’s time for a new love interest! Cast members are required to say that person is “a valid choice for my character, and perhaps the better choice. A genuine alternative to [insert name of soul mate].” Is really there to prolong sexual tension and make the other person crazy jealous.

Rule #19: TV characters always act like they are in middle school when it comes to hooking up. In real life, no one pines for that long. It’s ridiculous.

Judging by the super-spoilery clips I’ve seen, I don’t think I’ll be getting my wish for a Jam dance, nor will Jim and Pam catch the garter and bouquet, respectively.

That said, I can’t help but think they’re trying to trick me.

I bet those little devils have a super-great Jam moment prepared that they’ve kept incredibly secret. (One of my friends would call this “keeping the wraps under it.”) It’s difficult to do in the age of Michael Ausiello and the fact that the NBC promo department has pretty much proven itself to be run by monkeys. But honestly, how many of you saw the “Casino Night” kiss or the “Booze Cruise” 27 seconds of silence coming?

Maybe there will be not only a dance, but a kiss and a breathy “Let’s get out of here” from Jim. (Maybe that’s just my personal Halpert fantasy.)

The show is notorious for keeping things quiet. Don’t forget that up until the final minutes of the finale, it looked like there might be a Jim/Jan hookup.

Maybe I’m giving the producers too much credit, or putting all of my Jam hopes into this one episode, or maybe I’m just hoping my rule remains true. In any case, I bet my friend $20 that the following prediction comes true:

Kelly catches the bouquet.