Ok, to truly understand this post you must understand something. I am completely INSANE. To explain more fully the reason for my insanity - I am a completionist. I HAVE to see things through. And this trait has become the bane of my TV world. I just can not stop watching awful shows. Shows with bad writing, complete jump the shark moments, character assassinations. But I just. Can. Not. Stop. Watching. Please help me! Rehab 101 here I come.
Hi. My name is Scarlett and I am a TV completionist.
Ok, I have acknowledged my problem.
Next step, confronting this problem.
So I have decided to make a list of cut-off points. Moments so OOC, badly written, and WTF that in order to stay healthy I must leave the show. Here goes...
Grey’s Anatomy: When Alex Karev leaves.
Dead Denny Sex. You know what I thought that was it, I did, truly. I was so disgusted, horrified and offended. I honestly felt like writing a letter to Shonda telling her to DIAF. I held off for about two weeks, but then had to watch. Why? I hear you ask. Good question. Because in my heart of hearts, I just have to see Alex Karev get his happy ending. I just could not leave him alone in Seattle Grace Hospital with a crazy girlfriend. Watching his heart break when the truth came out was one of the saddest moments, if not the saddest moment ever on Grey’s *sob*. I can not give up on this show until I know Alex has his fairy-tale ending.
Gossip Girl: When Chuck Bass and Jenny Humphrey become an OTP
Let’s be honest, I originally started watching this show to watch beautiful people swan around New York and imagine myself as them. But, one word changed all that for me – Chair. What? What on earth does a piece of furniture have to do with why you watch? Ah, but you see Chair is the portmanteau of a fascinating, wonderful, tortuous couple made up of one Chuck Bass and one Blair Waldorf. These two characters are possibly the most intricate personalities of any teen TV drama. Their sizzling chemistry and sadomasochistic mating dance has set my shipper heart alight and my viewing eyes fixed. I don’t care what they do, as long as it is Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair. They could go to Africa to volunteer with baby elephants, they could become poor, they could have just one second per episode of screentime, I don’t care. But one thing I will not take is for either one of them to be endgame with someone other than themselves. I even don’t mind them not being together and ending up alone. I choose Chuck/Jenny for my most hated endgame couple. They can hook-up, though I don’t really want to see it happen, but I will stop watching if they become an OTP.
Smallville: When Chloe dies.
Please, please, please kill her off, TPTB. Put me out of my misery. This show has gone rapidly downhill from the end of season 5, yet I am stuck watching it because I am way too emotionally invested in a fictional character called Chloe Sullivan. She is Clark’s rock and heart, yet TPTB are so afraid to recognise this we have had 8 seasons of the Clana (Clark and Lana) merry-go-round till I am sick and tired of spinning, much like the sick and tired storylines. The recent Smallville finale sucked so bad, I’m surprised the show didn’t get cancelled right away, and to be truly honest, I wish I could say I would not be turning in to the season 9 premier, I wish I could I swear, but until the fat lady sings and Chloe is declared dead beyond all doubt, God, I’m going to be there. This show has abused, humiliated and exploited me, yet I still cling to the vestiges of hope that things will change. Please, please, please, TPTB, let me and Chloe go!
Heroes: When we find out Claire is the mother of Sylar’s son.
Oh so many improbable storylines have been and gone and will come, but actually I’ve come to realise most of them I could probably live with. I mean we’ve had the Jessica/Nikki/Tracey fiasco; the deaths and fake-out deaths of nearly every character; the bizarre world of ancient Japan; weird incestual vibe between Claire and the entire Petrelli family; and the Claire/Peter/Sylar show; but when we find out that Claire is the mother of Sylar’s son Noah, POOF, that’s the sound of me flying like Nathan Petrelli and getting the fuck out.
Supernatural: Sam and Dean become involved in a love triangle.
I watch this show for the relationship between the Winchester brothers. I like the fact there is no ‘Chick Flick’ TV. It’s not that I’m averse to a ship per se, it’s that I don’t want to see the brothers fight over a girl to the detriment to their relationship. They’re just too perfect and special to have something so trivial come between them. I do not want to see Supernatural 90210.
So, there we go. You’ll know if I break these. Help me stay strong if hell breaks loose and these storylines ever happen.
It has made me feel rather pathetic acknowledging the depths of TV viewing I am willing to sink to just so I can complete a series so here is one example where I’ve managed to stick to what I said. Round of applause, please. *Blushes, blushes. Accepts statuette.*
Buffy The Vampire Slayer: When Angel left.
I’m sticking to this one, I swear. No matter how much my friend bugs me to watch the whole thing, no matter how much I want to see how it ends, no matter how much I want to see the hotness that is James Marsters aka Spike and Sarah Michelle Gellar get it on. That is it. I’m sticking to it.
And then there are times when one just has to realise, no matter how well you do, once an addict always an addict, and just give in.
One Tree Hill: Never
Stop laughing in the back, yes you! I don’t have to explain how ridiculous the show has become and judging from the spoilers, how even more ridiculous it is going to get, but I’m going to anyway. Could I stop watching when they ret-conned the entire Brucas relationship? No. Could I stop watching when Haley had almost no screentime? No. When Nathan grew a beard? No. When a dog ate Dan’s heart (Yes, that’s right, I typed that correctly)? No. Could I stop watching when I knew Leyton would be endgame? No. Even when they were getting married with the compulsory OTP daughter, I knew Leyton were leaving so I’m still sticking around in the vain hope that the Chad will soon realise this is the only acting gig he’s going to get and come back and Brucas will be forever. One Tree Hill and I are stuck in a Chinese finger trap. One of us has to let go. It’s not going to be me.
So there you have it, my pathetic patheticness in all its pathetic glory. Go on, I’ve shared. Don’t be afraid. Share your abusive TV relationships with us and trust me, it’ll feel better.