You think Booth and Brennan having a baby together spells certain doom for Bones? Well, I disagree. Here are 22 ideas for adorable scenarios—one for each episode of season five. (Not in chronological order.)
1. Booth and Brennan tell Parker that he’s going to be a big brother. Parker’s not sure how he feels about that—but it turns out that he’s thought Dr. Bones was Dad’s girlfriend the whole time.
2. Either Booth or Brennan has a date and awkwardness ensues. They’re definitely not together, but they are raising this baby together, and that’s creating some confusion.
3. Brennan is in danger—more danger than usual. Booth not only gets to use his protection instincts on Bones; we get to see Alpha Daddy in action. Yeah, you know how awesome it was when Booth ripped through the playground trying to find Parker in “The Man in the Cell”? Imagine how strongly he’d feel about protecting the baby inside of Brennan.
4. It’s time to find out the sex of the baby. Booth wants to know; Brennan doesn’t. (Or vice versa. I can’t figure out which would be which.) By the end of the episode, they know they’re having a girl. P.S. don’t lie, you know it’s a girl.
5. Brennan has her first doctor’s appointment. She and Booth are still on pretty awkward terms—and lying to themselves about how much they enjoyed that sexing—but hearing their baby’s heartbeat changes everything. (You want to know how two people become one? Because there’s your miracle.)
6. Brennan has baby brain and keeps forgetting important things in the lab. The team is very forgiving, but Brennan is of course very hard on herself. The last scene is Booth assuring her that, baby brain and all, she’s the smartest person EVER. And all of her smarts right now are going to making their baby smart, so it’s okay to forget things sometimes. Brennan refutes his logic, but is nonetheless comforted.
7. Booth and Brennan talk about baby names. Nothing is suitable. I really like the name Grace: it’s both nice and traditional for Dad, and it’s a virtue name in honor of Mom. (ZOMG Booth and Brennan as Mommy and Daddy. Holy crap.) And can’t you just see Booth reaching into a little bassinet cooing, “Gracie girl!” One name we’ve ruled out? Anything involving Brennan’s mom’s original name. Not only does that have negative connotations, but we just can’t imagine them naming their baby Ruth Booth.
8. Brennan’s got pregnancy cravings. Perhaps, like Phoebe had on Friends, she’s craving meat in a very real way. Booth, like Joey, volunteers to give up meat and maintain the cosmic balance of dead animals. This would also be a good opportunity to demonstrate some of Bren’s other pregnancy cravings—could a late-night pickles and ice cream run bring Booth into Brennan’s bed?
9. The FBI revokes Brennan’s field credentials for the duration of her pregnancy. She’s stuck in the lab while Booth’s in the field. They have to solve the murder together, but they have to do the whole thing on the phone. Imagine Booth trying to describe bones over the phone.
10. Max comes back for an episode to do grandfatherly things. And to threaten Booth.
11. Booth and Brennan have to build the baby’s crib.
12. Booth and Brennan babyproof the apartments, the car, and the lab.
13. Booth and Brennan go to Lamaze class. One of them takes it very seriously; the other one doesn’t.
14. Booth and Brennan have to decide how they’re going to handle childcare arrangements. It’s not like either one of them is going to quit their job, so at the end of the day, they decide to hire a babysitter, cut back a little on their caseload, and bring their daughter to work whenever possible.
15. You know Booth is the kind of father who’d talk and sing to the baby in utero. Brennan is flabbergasted, because babies can’t understand language yet, and if they could, why would you talk in such a ridiculous fashion?
Booth: “Bones, once she’s born, I’m not going to be around all the time. They say babies can recognize their fathers’ voices once they’re born—I want her to know me.”
Brennan: “Booth, you are going to be around all the time.”
Booth: “But she’s going to live with you and you’ll move on and start a family with someone else—“
Brennan: “I’m not Rebecca. I want you around all the time.”
16. Sweets figures it out. He figures out Brennan is pregnant first, and then weasels it out of them that Booth is the father. He is—obviously—shocked. Hilarity ensues:
Sweets: “Did you two have sex?”
Booth: “That is none of your business.”
17. Angela throws Brennan a baby shower. Brennan is concerned about everyone forcing her daughter into gender stereotypes by purchasing so many pink items.
18. Booth and Brennan have to decide how they’re going to raise their baby religion-wise. Brennan agrees to raise her Catholic, as long as she gets all the facts. Next season: Christening.
19. The baby kicks for the first time. Brennan feels it first, Booth can’t feel it throughout the episode, until the very end, when she kicks hard and Booth can feel it. Her parents grin ridiculously at each other; it’s a sweet moment.
20. Booth and Brennan have to decide where the baby’s going to live. The end up deciding to move in together and raise the baby in the same house.
21. Brennan is exhausted all the time, falling asleep in her office, etc. Booth takes her home one night, tucks her into bed, and goes to his own home—but not before wistfully glancing upon the mother of his unborn child and thinking about how this situation is simultaneously the most awesome and the most crappy situation he’s ever been in.
22. The baby is born.