Thursday, April 24, 2008

Grey's Anatomy: Jane Doe Needs a Toe Tag, Please.

I have a pretty regular (and pretty pathetic) morning routine - give in the to annoying sun shining through my window and refusing to let me sleep in, roll over and check my cell for the time, roll over the other direction and grab the laptop from it's spot on the floor beside my bed. Once comfortably propped up against my pillows with the trusty Mac on my lap, I give my inbox a once-over to see if there's anything that needs immediate attention, and then I head for SpoilerFix to find out if any new information got released in between the last time I checked it right before falling asleep and the time that I gave in to that annoying bright & shiny sun outside my window.

Two things can be deduced from this confession about my daily routine: [1] I am a desperate spoiler whore for whom there is no cure, and [2] it really is no surprise that I'm 25 and single.

Let me just say in my own defense, though, that right now I have five "appointment" shows, but only read spoilers for Grey's and Lost. Okay, so I read spoilers for Days of Our Lives, too, but that's a necessity in order to figure out when it's actually going to be worth watching again. Otherwise, I prefer to stay pretty much in the dark for my other shows. It's also a fact I've come to accept that if I break down and start reading spoilers for a show, I've fallen hard for an OTP and therefore must know everything beforehand in order to prepare my heart if things start going downhill. This is exactly the reason I broke down after three seasons of spoiler-free Lost-hood and can no longer go more than a few hours without knowing if there's any new info on the Jate front. Caroline is held responsible for keeping me updated in the event of my actually having a life during a new spoiler-release moment. Seriously, she gets yelled at if I stumble across exciting new info only to find out that she's known about it for hours/days/weeks and neglected to clue me in immediately.

With Grey's, the constant Mer/Der on-again/off-again Cycle of Annoyance demanded I bury myself in spoilers because - really - I was so close to throwing my hands up and walking away from it all that only a true sign of hope on the horizon could keep me tethered to this show and caring at all about tuning in again tomorrow night. As all of us spoiler whores know, that hope on the horizon was delivered to us via spoilers a while ago now, and my Grey's focus has started shifting from "When will Der/Mer stop driving me insane?" to "When will Gizzie die? When will George/Lexie hook up? When can I have my Alex/Izzie back? For the love of Shonda, WHEN WILL JANE DOE DISAPPEAR?!?"

The Gizzie question has already been answered, thank you so very much, and the middle two queries are purely speculation and desperate hope for a new OTP - but unfortunately, this past week of spoiler hunting has given me an answer to the latter question that really makes me want to kick somebody in the crotch.

On April 21st, ABC released the episode summary for 4.13 "Pieces of My Heart," which airs on May 1st and offers the return of Addison Forbes Montgomery just one hour before the Lost episode that has Jaters ready to keel over and die. May 1st is going to be a kickass night, y'all. Except for the fact that Jane Doe (or Rebecca or Ava or whatever the holy fuck her name is) returns yet again to severely work my nerves. I love Elizabeth Reaser, I really do. I think she's a brilliant actress and her performance has been wonderful - it's not her that I'm tired of seeing on my show. It's her character. And no, this isn't about my bias toward an Izzie/Alex pairing, either - I just think the Alex/Ava romance is as far-fetched and ridiculous as the Izzie/Denny or Izzie/George romances were. I can't help it that the two people who keep ending up in unrealistic (okay, in my opinion, at least) romantic stories are the two people I'd rather see in a romantic story together. The whole "falling hard and fast for your patient" story is just too silly for me, because it never happens over a long enough time frame. Plus, I'm pretty sure Jack Shephard would be happy to tell you all about why that kind of love story is doomed from the start.

ANYWAY. I was hoping Jane Doe was actually gone for good, despite not really getting a formal send off in her last appearance, but May 1st will dash my hopes and dash them hard. When I read the aforementioned ABC episode summary and, specifically, the phrase "Rebecca/Ava returns with shocking news for Alex," my gut sank just a little and my immediate reaction was more or less one of "Oh crap. Now she's pregnant again."

The past several days managed to drown me in great Lost information and cause me to totally forget about how pissed off I was at the implication of that statement. It's great when you can succeed at pushing the bad news to back of your mind and forgetting it's even there until something else comes along and digs it back up again, just so that it can dump even more suckiness on top of the pile.

This morning when I picked up the Mac for my SpoilerFix catch-up session, the latest non-episode-specific information included this from Entertainment Tonight:

"Someone gets pregnant before the end of the season -- and that the identity of the father may be in question."

I shall now proceed to take a deep breath and release the first General Sigh of Discontent for today. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Why is this necessary? Obviously, it doesn't say that Jane Doe is the one who ends up pregnant - but you're going to have a hard time convincing me otherwise given the whole "shocking news for Alex" tid-bit that we received on Monday. It's so stupid, you guys! It's contrived and unnecessary and, well, boring. Plus, I highly doubt that this new baby (conceived ridiculously soon after birthing the first one, mind you) is going to end up being Alex's kid anyway. It's an annoying plot bunny story line for the sake of pseudo-drama and in the end all it's going to amount to is that Rebecca got knocked up again and decided it would be a stupendous opportunity to return to Seattle and attempt to chain Alex to her forever. It's manipulative, even if there is a good chance that the baby might be his.

I don't know, it just really bugs me. The Alex/Ava story has gotten on my last nerve since before it had even ever truly found any sense of depth - and it's never been that deep to begin with. I understand that she went through a traumatic experience and bonded with Alex when she had no idea who she was - but she got her memory back, she has her husband and her daughter and now I just feel like she's just being selfish. I'm sure there are those of you out there who vehemently disagree with me, and that's your prerogative, but this on-again/off-again recurring story between Alex/Ava is honestly frustrating me more than the Der/Mer version ever has.

And that's pretty bad, kids. Shonda, if you're out there, please make it stop. Focus on the relationships between the characters we already know and love - quit continuously shoving these guest stars and outsiders down our throats, no matter how great of thespians they all happen to be. It's bad enough Addison is gone now, don't you think? I want what little screen time we get every week to be dedicated to those we've cared about since day one. Alex has so much potential and room for character growth, but backsliding him into the Ava story over and over again isn't getting him anywhere interesting at all.

Kill the Jane Doe story, Shonda. Call the morgue and slide it into a cold, dark grave right beside Gizzie.

Maybe then I'll start to have faith in your game plan again. Maybe.

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