Thursday, February 22, 2007

THE O.C.: Always... play with their minds.

So, I get that I'm more than "a little late" with this considering that the series finale will come upon my TV in less than six hours, but I have to say a few things before I actually see it and figure out what the effing hell is going on.

If you saw the promo for the finale, then I would hope you caught all of the reasons for why nothing makes sense. Even TV Guide's Ausiello is at a loss for explantion, because it seems like Josh Schwartz just gave away every secret in the promo.

Ausiello: What if I told you Julie was the one getting hitched? Oh, wait, Fox already gave that away in the promos. What if I told you Kirsten delivers a healthy baby girl? Oh, wait, Fox already gave that away in the promos. What if I told you that Seth and Summer go their separate ways? Oh, wait, Fox already gave that away in the promos. What if I told you that Ryan and Taylor have sex? Oh, wait, Fox already gave that away in the promos. I got nothing.

If you ask me, something really squicky is going on. More attention paid to the promo shows that not only is Julie getting married (which I totally called), but she's marrying The Bullit? I'm sorry... what? Don't get me wrong - I love Bullit and would love for him to be the one she marries. But that wouldn't make any sense anymore. They just had a huge set-up last week for Julie and Frank to be the marrying couple. Kaitlin even gave her approval for them to be together. So I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on.

Then, there was a sneak peek clip on Fox.com that made it clear that Taylor is back in France and she and Ryan have been broken up for months. My brain is begging for someone to stop fucking with it, because that's not right at all. The other thing that's not right is Summer leaving Seth behind and both of them ending the series on seperate paths.

None of this is how it's actually going to end. Because that would be breaking all of the rules of a series finale that I talked about in my last O.C. blog. I really don't think that Josh is the type to break those rules. However, I do completely believe that he's the type to fuck with our minds and get us all freaked out that everything is going Twilight Zone in Orange County and then he'll suddenly be all, "GOTCHA!" and fix everything so that it ends the way I already said that it should.

That said, shall we jump into how I think he's playing with our minds? Okay, good. Let's begin.

Summer will get on the bus and leave on her tour with GEORGE. Taylor will go back to France, although I have no idea why or what causes her and Ryan to break up. Julie is either actually in the process of marrying Bullit, or that's all some weird effed-up dream sequence. I'm not going to lie and say that I have that shit figured out yet, because I don't. Nevertheless, there's a time jump going on like I said there would be in my last blog. So, Taylor and Summer leaving is likely to happen at the very start of the finale. They'll be back in time to set things right with their respective loverboys.

I'm not saying all of this has to happen just because it breaks the series finale rules if it doesn't. I'm saying this all will turn around and happen at the end because - like Ausiello said over and over - Fox gave it all away in the promo!

If there's one thing I've learned over my years of TV obsession, it's never to trust the promo guy. The promo guy fucks with your psyche and tries to make you believe things are going to happen that really aren't going to happen. The promo guy had me spastic for 24 hours a few years ago because he actually managed to make me momentarily believe that Vaughn might cheat on Sydney. Even though I totally knew better.

And now the promo guy is playing with Grey's fans about tonight's episode calling it "the tragic/devastating end" to the 3-episode arc. I do not buy into his bullshit because I know better, but there are thousands of people freaking out because promo guy keeps telling them it's going to be "tragic/devastating." Mulder always said to trust no one. I'm not sure that level of distrust is necessary, but I do believe in never trusting the promo guy.

These O.C. finale promos (and sneak peek clips) are giving away way too damn much information for that information to actually be pertinent to the very end of the series. Those secrets that are being given away in the promo are nothing more than set up scenes to lay the groundwork for the rest of the finale. If they were actually crazy important scenes that held great weight toward how the series was going to end, Josh would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS allow them to be shown in a promo like that. It's just bad for business to be that stupid.

So instead, he's putting all of this seemingly life-altering information into the promos and sneak peeks and allowing it to seep into our brains until it gets us all confused and wondering what the hell dear Schwartz-y is up to these days. It's all a game, you see. He's setting the stage to suddenly twist it all around and give us what we've really been wanting and expecting. First he has to build up the anticipation, though, by creating panic attacks that everything is about to end horribly wrong.

Believe me, there's no need to worry. Seth and Summer will still have their built-in OTP finale ending. Ryan and Taylor will reconcile and run off to Berkeley together. The Cohens will still move out of Newport and back to San Fransisco (where Berkeley is, in case you didn't know it's the same thing). And Julie will, in the end, have her happily ever after with Frank.

Josh just has to play with our minds first. Just like how Mark in Empire Records, one of my all-time favorite movies, decides to name his band "Marc." With a C. Even though his name is with a K. Because, ya know, it's like a psychedelic trip thing.

Mmm-hmm.

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