Monday, February 12, 2007

GREY'S ANATOMY: Scalpels and Power Tools

The very first time I became a true, obsessive fangirl over a television couple, I was in the 5th grade and my OTP was part of a daily soap opera. I look back on it now and can't even hardly believe it. Soap operas are many things, but watching material for a 5th grader is certainly not one of them. Another thing they are not is thought-provoking or worth any real addiction. I'm not trying to belittle anyone who still has an obsession with a soap or one of it's OTPs; I still find time to watch and drown mindlessly into the worlds of GH, AMC and DAYS from time to time. But it's rare because my brain is already too full of what I consider to be "real TV" to handle any obsession with something that I know is never truly going to go my way. It's a soap. There's no built-in guarantee for your couple on a show like that. So it's hard for me to focus on them anymore knowing that just because my OTP is happy now doesn't mean they'll be that way for long. Or ever be that way again.

In 1997 (which was a full 10 years ago and that realization just totally freaked me out), my little high school freshman self began a love affair with the brand new ABC soap, Port Charles. A medical drama spin-off from GH, I was intrigued by all the pretty new people in scrubs and white doctor coats. But really, I was just fan-following Michael Dietz who had a lead on the show and was previously part of my OTP from the first soap I ever loved. It should have been obvious from that first episode that this was going to be a downhill show, but I was young and my skills of analysis and picking out winning shows to watch were still being groomed.

Here's the thing, though: In the first episode of the baby-soap, the new interns were trapped in a hostage crisis with some other innocent victims. I know, I know. It's a soap, remember? One of the innocents was hit in the head with a gun by one of the bad guys, and her brain started to swell. They couldn't get her any real help because of that whole pesky hostage problem, so my hero Michael Dietz (well, his character Intern Joe) decided to be the hero and do whatever necessary in order to save the woman's life.

"Whatever necessary" ended up meaning drilling holes into her head with a dirty, unsanitized power drill left in the room by a construction crew who had been there not long before.

Now, in terms of Grey's Anatomy and what the promo showed us for this week's episode... is any of this sounding familiar?

I'm sure Izzie's reasoning for pulling the same dumbass stunt is exactly the same as it was in that soap opera 10 years ago; drill holes and release the pressure on the brain, or the patient will die. No time to sit and wait for a clean operating room. I get that, and in some ways I guess it really is heroic. But... it's just... I mean, it's a fucking POWER DRILL. I would personally take issue with someone poking holes in my skull using the same tool I employed to build Ikea bookshelves last weekend.

When it's between a power drill to the brain or death, I get that it's a different perspective. But I have to be honest - the whole "use a power drill to release the pressure" idea was a bit over-dramatic and far-fetched for me even at 14 years old when I saw it done the first time. I highly doubt I'm going to find it any more believable or impressive this time around. And I really don't want Shonda to let this show start going down the same path that Wells led ER when he started introducing helicopters cutting off people's arms and military tanker trucks shooting bazookas into the ambulance bay.

Seriously. I can't handle it if Grey's starts doing over-the-top stunts for the sake of sweeps and ratings. What Shonda's been doing so far has been brilliant and just the right use of drama/weird shit happening. It's just that the introduction of something I rolled my eyes at 10 years ago puts me a little on edge.

Maybe I'll just close my eyes and listen to my iPod during all of the Izzie/Power Drill scenes and reserve all of my attention for the Meredith storyline. I can't wait to see Derek dive into the water and pull her out (because you just know that's what's going to happen) only to find that she's hit her head and is unconscious. I even moreso can't wait until they realize she's having an internal battle of life & death and needs immediate surgery. I'm putting my money on brain surgery, because it would make for an effing unbelievable angst fest if she needed a neurosurgeon and her distraught boyfriend just happens to be the only man for the job. I'm sure the chief will try to tell Derek he can't operate on her because of the conflict of interest, but Derek will fight and debate that he's the very best and he won't have anyone else touching Meredith when it's so important. In the end, the chief will win and Derek won't be the one to operate. That, or she'll need Burke-ish or Bailey-ish surgery and it won't be Derek's territory to begin with. And then she'll spend some time in ICU recovery and at some point she's likely to crash and flatline, either in surgery or recovery (and most likely in the last minutes of the next episode, making for a kickass albeit predictable cliffhanger), and scare the living shit out of her knight in shining whatever.

In my head I can even see a scene between him and Addison where she comforts him and supports him and truly accepts, respects and understands his love for Meredith for the first time. Then eventually, of course, she'll wake up and be fine and I'd bet my collection of Grey's AND Alias DVDs that it will take him about 5 seconds to tell her that he loves her.

At which point she'll stare at him with tears in her eyes and thank him deeply for saving her life using something a little less ludicrous than a power drill.

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